So I'm home...
The only good thing about tonight was going to Barnes and Noble with Matt, Tom, Kevin, and Jen and buying books. I had a forty dollar gift card so I bought three books...they are: The New Guilded Age: The New Yorker looks at the Culture of Affluence, Demonology by Rick Moody, and The Mammoth Book of True War Stories. With all the books I have gotten as Christmas presents that I never read plus these (especially the true war stories...mmm good summer reading) I should have a summer of sitting in the crisp Maine air, reading about War and Culture. hooray for me!
Well...eye doctor tomorrow...so I'm going to sleep. All my shit is still around my room and it looks awful. I miss Bardland...
Home isn't so bad. Good food, good friends, good reading...big bed...makin money...I guess i can't complain..
But I'm going to anyway...
Friday, May 24, 2002
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
Last full day in Bardland..Our room looks disgusting still...but with no pretty pictures on the walls...I'm listening to goldfinger, trying to make everything okay. I'm still in denial...freshman year is done...I am now a sophomore 1 (Bard separates years into 1 and 2...i was just a freshman 2) Soon, it'll be moderation...research papers on Defense policies, rereading the scarlet letter with Liz Frank, my nose in a constitutional law book in the library listening to Britten's War Requiem...am I ready to take on the challenge I have laid down for myself? I dont know, but I am ready for soemthing new...I am ready to find myself something to believe in...whatever that means.
Next year, every class I am taking is about America. American politics, American policy, American literature...has the high nationalism of post 9/11 gone to my head? Not really...Yeah I had the bloodlust...and the weird feeling that I would have to do something rash and stupid for my country if it came to it (I dont know what would be rash and stupid, running for senate maybe...though a Bardian senator, not likely)
My allergies are kicking the crap out of me...I feel awful. I have saved the last perscription Allegra for the ride home tomorrow...so i can drive down the taconic with the windows open screaming the lyrics to "Luck be a lady"
It's so good to be me sometimes...though only sometimes
Next year, every class I am taking is about America. American politics, American policy, American literature...has the high nationalism of post 9/11 gone to my head? Not really...Yeah I had the bloodlust...and the weird feeling that I would have to do something rash and stupid for my country if it came to it (I dont know what would be rash and stupid, running for senate maybe...though a Bardian senator, not likely)
My allergies are kicking the crap out of me...I feel awful. I have saved the last perscription Allegra for the ride home tomorrow...so i can drive down the taconic with the windows open screaming the lyrics to "Luck be a lady"
It's so good to be me sometimes...though only sometimes
Tuesday, May 21, 2002
Tuesday night in Bardland...
Fucking hockey bastards are yelling shit in the TV. Goddamnit, they don't even live in my fucking dorm and they get the TV and I don't get to watch real world? I have been Real world-less for almost a month now and I'm about to beat myself. I know, the show is stupid, but I need the human drama I can only get from a reality show with such a calibur as the Real World. I would suffice with getting some real human drama for myself but that's difficult...that means going to West Point or something rediculous like that...and I really hate going to West Point..duty, honor, country and such. =(
I'm listening to the City of Angels soundtrack to soothe my jangled nerves. The movie fucking blew but the soundtrack isn't half bad.
I'm very tired of reading Rawls. He is interesting but his words lack a certain energy that would actually make him interesting. Thank the Lord Political philosophy is over and I'm done with everything except Dave's damn papers...and he's going to hate these papers too. Hopefully my government classes will be more forgiving. James Chace seems like a nice guy...I hope my research papers on Military involvement in Soviet Nuclear Technology will melt his heart. He's a cute old man...I would love to get on his good side...I've got one Pulitzer Prize winner who loves me...let's see if i can get the former foreign editor of the New York Times to love me too.
I know, i know...that sounds kind of pathetic...but I didn't ask Liz Frank to love me...I just went to her office with The Education of Henry Adams and told her i wanted to write a paper on it. She lit up like a fucking xmas tree and now she insists on being my advisor. So, I will let her advise.
This summer hopefully i will relax and build up my vocabulary for reading. I'm going to look in Barnes and Noble for some good political reads...maybe about the Florida voting procedure...that seems interesting. The Bush Dislexicon was great reading...of course, i read it post September 11th when everyone loved old Georgy Boy...but now he's back making an idiot of himself. Not even the death of innocent civilians will save you now buddy boy. I have a picture saved on my computer of George W's face when Andy Card whispered in his ear about 9/11...he looks like a deer in headlights...it's a very amusing picture...if anyone wants to see it, i'll send it to you.
Well, here I am sans Real World. I wonder what's going on in the apartment in Chi-Town tonight? Kara's trying to have sex, Kyle and Kerri are mad at each other, Theo is doing something, Chris is bartending and being the straightest gay man ever, Aneesa is being that sassy lesbian walking around naked, and Tonya is pissing blood again...
Now, don't you wish you were watching!
I gotta go clean...we have guests coming and the room looks like one of the bowling alleys, I mean bathrooms in our dorm.
Fucking hockey bastards are yelling shit in the TV. Goddamnit, they don't even live in my fucking dorm and they get the TV and I don't get to watch real world? I have been Real world-less for almost a month now and I'm about to beat myself. I know, the show is stupid, but I need the human drama I can only get from a reality show with such a calibur as the Real World. I would suffice with getting some real human drama for myself but that's difficult...that means going to West Point or something rediculous like that...and I really hate going to West Point..duty, honor, country and such. =(
I'm listening to the City of Angels soundtrack to soothe my jangled nerves. The movie fucking blew but the soundtrack isn't half bad.
I'm very tired of reading Rawls. He is interesting but his words lack a certain energy that would actually make him interesting. Thank the Lord Political philosophy is over and I'm done with everything except Dave's damn papers...and he's going to hate these papers too. Hopefully my government classes will be more forgiving. James Chace seems like a nice guy...I hope my research papers on Military involvement in Soviet Nuclear Technology will melt his heart. He's a cute old man...I would love to get on his good side...I've got one Pulitzer Prize winner who loves me...let's see if i can get the former foreign editor of the New York Times to love me too.
I know, i know...that sounds kind of pathetic...but I didn't ask Liz Frank to love me...I just went to her office with The Education of Henry Adams and told her i wanted to write a paper on it. She lit up like a fucking xmas tree and now she insists on being my advisor. So, I will let her advise.
This summer hopefully i will relax and build up my vocabulary for reading. I'm going to look in Barnes and Noble for some good political reads...maybe about the Florida voting procedure...that seems interesting. The Bush Dislexicon was great reading...of course, i read it post September 11th when everyone loved old Georgy Boy...but now he's back making an idiot of himself. Not even the death of innocent civilians will save you now buddy boy. I have a picture saved on my computer of George W's face when Andy Card whispered in his ear about 9/11...he looks like a deer in headlights...it's a very amusing picture...if anyone wants to see it, i'll send it to you.
Well, here I am sans Real World. I wonder what's going on in the apartment in Chi-Town tonight? Kara's trying to have sex, Kyle and Kerri are mad at each other, Theo is doing something, Chris is bartending and being the straightest gay man ever, Aneesa is being that sassy lesbian walking around naked, and Tonya is pissing blood again...
Now, don't you wish you were watching!
I gotta go clean...we have guests coming and the room looks like one of the bowling alleys, I mean bathrooms in our dorm.
Monday, May 20, 2002
I had a dream I wore this sailor hat...it was really cool.
I also found my West Point Seminar Notes- This is what it says
Thoughts from the US Military Academy 11/9
Today is November Ninth...I am kind of tired but wearing nice paints but no socks...hmmm. I love uniforms and I am Kind of turned on by sitting here. Eh. This feeling is unnew to me.
Our Country=crazy
You can really tell i was paying attention in that Hall filled with large pictures of generals and officers =)
I also found my West Point Seminar Notes- This is what it says
Thoughts from the US Military Academy 11/9
Today is November Ninth...I am kind of tired but wearing nice paints but no socks...hmmm. I love uniforms and I am Kind of turned on by sitting here. Eh. This feeling is unnew to me.
Our Country=crazy
You can really tell i was paying attention in that Hall filled with large pictures of generals and officers =)
Sunday, May 19, 2002
So...apparently I dont have sex with people!
I am outraged at this society! I am completely outraged at this sexually one sided horribly society! It is a man's world...but of course i learned last night in student theater that in this world of men, women control the penis, so it's a woman's world...but that's just an opinion...who's cares about someone's opinion when the world has to be objective and blah blah blah...
Objective! I hate that fucking word...I have hang ups, I will never be objective. Johnny Garrison, objective? Yes, he "wanted to penetrate me once!" how the fuck are you objective about anything sexual! You will always have feelings...its psychological, it lives in your brain after you die...in heaven you still dream of it. There is nothing you can do to escape it...once it's done, it's done...and that's it...you're screwed..LITERALLY!
So...apparently I dont have sex with people! I have steel trap morals...more like inhibitions...yes Sir, I'd LOOOVE to sleep with you but account of Jesus and the holy Trinity, I apologize but i cant do it. I sleep with someone for "love" something the Bible tells me so. And yes, at Bard, people usually dont say no...and now i have a reputation for being Frigid. You'd be frigid too if you had experiences like I did...men lying to me all the time...my first kiss was the most evil thing anyone has ever done to me...and now Johnny Garrison...The Navy and the Air Force, really have some explaining to do.
The inhibitions are most likely the fact that I feel like i'm still eight...flying kites and playing with dolls...I should smack myself in the face and realize that my best friend is pregnant and almost married, i just finished my first year of college...I am an adult...I can have sex with other people...
One day, everything will change...When i was fat and unhappy in 5th grade i told myself one day everything would change and they would all worship me. And partly it came true...i changed into something erratic but it was something people could relate to...yes, relate to...I have a smile on my face, just the face in the crowd...you have no excuse to hate me now...flawless?
Wow...what a rant...maybe I'll go have sex.
I am outraged at this society! I am completely outraged at this sexually one sided horribly society! It is a man's world...but of course i learned last night in student theater that in this world of men, women control the penis, so it's a woman's world...but that's just an opinion...who's cares about someone's opinion when the world has to be objective and blah blah blah...
Objective! I hate that fucking word...I have hang ups, I will never be objective. Johnny Garrison, objective? Yes, he "wanted to penetrate me once!" how the fuck are you objective about anything sexual! You will always have feelings...its psychological, it lives in your brain after you die...in heaven you still dream of it. There is nothing you can do to escape it...once it's done, it's done...and that's it...you're screwed..LITERALLY!
So...apparently I dont have sex with people! I have steel trap morals...more like inhibitions...yes Sir, I'd LOOOVE to sleep with you but account of Jesus and the holy Trinity, I apologize but i cant do it. I sleep with someone for "love" something the Bible tells me so. And yes, at Bard, people usually dont say no...and now i have a reputation for being Frigid. You'd be frigid too if you had experiences like I did...men lying to me all the time...my first kiss was the most evil thing anyone has ever done to me...and now Johnny Garrison...The Navy and the Air Force, really have some explaining to do.
The inhibitions are most likely the fact that I feel like i'm still eight...flying kites and playing with dolls...I should smack myself in the face and realize that my best friend is pregnant and almost married, i just finished my first year of college...I am an adult...I can have sex with other people...
One day, everything will change...When i was fat and unhappy in 5th grade i told myself one day everything would change and they would all worship me. And partly it came true...i changed into something erratic but it was something people could relate to...yes, relate to...I have a smile on my face, just the face in the crowd...you have no excuse to hate me now...flawless?
Wow...what a rant...maybe I'll go have sex.
Goldfinger!
I have painted me singing Goldfinger...I want a gold dress and come out...running down a golden aisle...screaming the words to the songs...and all the people in the audience would drink their martinis (shaken, not stirred) and clap...Man, my imagination is messed up.
I am talking to Diana...Alex's friend from Muncie, IN (magical Muncie!) and I learned a lot from her. One thing is that everyone is mad at Johnny Garrison and not me...and when he gets back from Texas...they will destroy him! She's so cool...
A little known fact: Alex wanted to be Indiana Jones when he was 8. So he is human!
You make a powerful enemy...you're going to be squashed!
I'm thinking of making the name Johnny Garrison evil. You know, up there with Adolf Hitler...
I saw plays tonight and I'm thinking of putting on "Bard at War" now...because it just seems right.
I will type more after the Phillip Glass opera tomorrow...
bye
I have painted me singing Goldfinger...I want a gold dress and come out...running down a golden aisle...screaming the words to the songs...and all the people in the audience would drink their martinis (shaken, not stirred) and clap...Man, my imagination is messed up.
I am talking to Diana...Alex's friend from Muncie, IN (magical Muncie!) and I learned a lot from her. One thing is that everyone is mad at Johnny Garrison and not me...and when he gets back from Texas...they will destroy him! She's so cool...
A little known fact: Alex wanted to be Indiana Jones when he was 8. So he is human!
You make a powerful enemy...you're going to be squashed!
I'm thinking of making the name Johnny Garrison evil. You know, up there with Adolf Hitler...
I saw plays tonight and I'm thinking of putting on "Bard at War" now...because it just seems right.
I will type more after the Phillip Glass opera tomorrow...
bye
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