well i got the crying out of me...which is good...but it was sad on what I cried about. See Porter and I have been two single girls and I took honor that a girl as beautiful as her was in the same lonely boat as me...but I learned that wasn't the case at 3 AM this morning...so it's just me now, I'm the lonely one.
Jason says my psychological problems are what society deems normal...but I'm sure that isn't that case. I feel like today I was getting worse and worse until my mental capacity was going to fly out the window holding my sanity by its hand. But I think its still here...I'm thinking of running home to Darien, but I'm sure mother would be confused and then i'd have to tell her the story of Indiana and one day yes, I'll tell her but for now that's just something that she can't really know. But i'll stay here in Bardland where it seems my antisocial behavior is at its top pinnacle. I don't blame college, I'd blame any college probably...
And I did see Punch Drunk Love...and it was good. But Adam Sandler's socially maladjusted character was almost like me...if I was a guy I'd probably punch glass and everything but I'm just a girl. And it saddened me that I could relate to a person as screwed up as he was? Except he had strength in the love of a beautiful woman...so he could do no wrong, and I have the love of nothing...so I lack the heroic values and sentiment.
Why it's 4 AM and I'm writing this I don't know...but I just wanted to warn you maybe that you should tread lightly around me for a while...
Damnit I thought it was Alex...I thought that Alex was gone I would be free and now I know that he was only a facet in my fucking complicated life...damnit! Why do i have to be so fucking not normal!
Okay I should stop crying and go to bed now...umm...yeah...goodnight

Maybe it was my past coming back to haunt me...but i feel like crying now.

I'm going to the movies with Jeremy...we're going to see Punch Drunk Love

Maybe that will make me not think of my pathetic life and make fun of Adam Sandler for a few hours

Today was the West Point seminar...
And dont you worry your pretty little head off...nothing happened. I didn't stare dreamingly into anyone's eyes or anything like that. So I think I'm safe.
I had counseling this morning and my therapist is going to help me. Apparently, from the questions she was asking me, I have social anxiety disorder. I don't want to have any disorder...I just want to be normal. She assured me I would heal me and all. I just wished that I had nothing to heal.
But seeing West Point cadets in dress greys brought it all back. They were walking to the campus center is two neat rows like Madeliene...and I leaned up against the wall and panicked. So i went downstairs and greeted them. I know my therapist told me not to force myself, but I had to be nice...they are humans too you know, even if they are trained to kill.

Tomorrow's the West Point seminar...
And I know what you're thinking...you're thinking about how stupid I am that I picked out my outfit a week in advance...but I dont give a shit.
Yeah that's right, go blow it all up your ass...because Emily doesn't care what you think...

I'm going to go to the west point seminar and I'm going to have a good time...
and who knows?

You guys ready to meet Alex Jr.?

Of course you're not...and if by some twist of fate Emily gets herself shot by the military's winged arrow, you all will have the chance to view him as if he were a piece of meat and then judge him on a 1-10 scale...because we're not going to end up lying on the bathroom floor in Muncie, IN anymore...

I don't really have anything to say but that I really should be writing my paper on the presidency instead of sitting here writing...but oh well.

I really like my third cartoon and thanks to Monica, Tony, and Dave 1 for helping me come up with the idea.
Bienvenue a Montreal!

I went to the Green Onion today for the first time...It's actually really nice...I got some vitamin water, skim milk and a box of wheat thins for eight bucks. It's expensive but I have 131 Bard bucks to spare, so not to worry. I have a feeling that I'll be going there for a drink or a snack almost everyday...a healthy snack of course, because I'm watching what I eat. I was very impressed with it, for Bard...it's pretty good. The woman who runs it isn't like any other typical Bard worker who screams at you..."OH SO YOU WANT TO USE BARD BUCKS, EH?" or anything like LunchLady gym...she's just a kindly old woman who smiles and waves. Maybe Bard is finally learning not to hire psychos.

Well, off to fencing and weight training class...finally going to get out and shape up. I've been neglecting that for about...oh, ten years now.
Song of Fall: Everything in its right Place by Radiohead...I have NO idea why, but this song just makes me think about fall...it's weird...it reminds me of driving through the Bardland with a sweater on, feeling at ease with myself...
of course, that was Freshman year...oh remember freshman year? When Leon didn't hate me and men lined up at my door?
Yep, 2001...was a great year, except for twin day...twin day was a pimple on a perfect year.

The food that J and his roomy cooked tonight was amazing...Beef Curry and Schnitzl (spellin sucks) with rice and soda...I just was in heaven with the food!

I've decided (and I dont know why you care to know) That I'm going to go to West Point. It'll be good for me because the only reason i was scared of it in the first place was because of Alex and now that Alex is a dead and waning memory in my memory bank...I'm free to visit the Grey wonderland anytime I damn well please without the slightest bit of fear, although i shouldn't really go because my emisions sticker is still out of date...which I'll get yelled at again. And you know how i hate getting yelled at!
I signed up for an excercise class two times a week because I've been getting thick around the middle. I need to get in shape, it's important...If i don't, I'll be a fat lazy kid all my life and I'll hate it. So I'm going to start running and lifting and everything...I'm trying to make my life as positive as I can before it's too late and I'm the officer's wife who's strangled in a ditch off i-95.
My 2nd cartoon apparently made the aministration mad...something about underage drinking. This just confirms that Bard's aministation is shit in a box.

"It's all over the evening news...all about the fire in your life on the evening news..."

I forgot to mention that Dave 1's house was a nostalgia factory...Winnie the Pooh tapes, old Jetson movie glasses, Boy scout popcorn tins!

Porter hurt both her legs...so she was a good drunk hurt girl last night...she's a cutie

I'm getting more and more scared of my weight...I'm not a fat kid, but I'm just worried...it's been a while since some guy thought I was interesting and I'm getting paranoid. I think i have a social disease. And yes, this blog is funny I told you I had problems ha ha....

This is a blog and yet I'm afraid to write what I want to say in lieu that other people will make fun of me. I should not give a shit anymore. Oh wouldn't that be a treat, not caring what people think!!!