Porter and I became Americans and bought a lottery ticket today for the first time in our middle class lives. We didn't understand how to do it, and we felt really stupid but with the NY state lottery up to 75 Million Dollars, stupidity was worth it.

Okay I didn't see Santa Clause 2, but I got three really bitchin' shirts that all match and now I have 4 of the same shirt, which apparently embodies my mom's side of the family spirit...so my uncle says. They invited me for salmon burgers and to tour their victorian garden this weekend...but Jason also has invited me to walk around the charming villages of the Hudson Valley. Hopefully this weekend I will be invited back to Monica and Todd's dinner gathering...I did get drunk and hit on Tony...maybe that wasn't the smartest thing for me. But I dont really know...

Back to reading and sleeping...
I forgot how good Vince Guaraldi trio jazz really is...

Everything is in its right place...

Last night I had the honor of going to Monica and Todd's party...for chili and biscuits. and Wine...
I fell asleep on Monica's floor for a half hour in front of Jesse and Tony. I have red wine stains on my lips. I woke up this morning lonely again.
But I had a really good time...and today I'm having lunch with my mommy and my uncles (yeah they're gay! Hooray!) at some restaurant where I'm going wallow in my own...umm..something. Maybe wallow in my sandwich.
Oh and our room is clean...
And don't laugh, but I'm going to watch the Santa Clause 2 with my mommy today! Hey, it looks good...and Tim Allen, whoa, what a great actor hehehe
Catch ya on the flip side yall

well i got the crying out of me...which is good...but it was sad on what I cried about. See Porter and I have been two single girls and I took honor that a girl as beautiful as her was in the same lonely boat as me...but I learned that wasn't the case at 3 AM this morning...so it's just me now, I'm the lonely one.
Jason says my psychological problems are what society deems normal...but I'm sure that isn't that case. I feel like today I was getting worse and worse until my mental capacity was going to fly out the window holding my sanity by its hand. But I think its still here...I'm thinking of running home to Darien, but I'm sure mother would be confused and then i'd have to tell her the story of Indiana and one day yes, I'll tell her but for now that's just something that she can't really know. But i'll stay here in Bardland where it seems my antisocial behavior is at its top pinnacle. I don't blame college, I'd blame any college probably...
And I did see Punch Drunk Love...and it was good. But Adam Sandler's socially maladjusted character was almost like me...if I was a guy I'd probably punch glass and everything but I'm just a girl. And it saddened me that I could relate to a person as screwed up as he was? Except he had strength in the love of a beautiful woman...so he could do no wrong, and I have the love of nothing...so I lack the heroic values and sentiment.
Why it's 4 AM and I'm writing this I don't know...but I just wanted to warn you maybe that you should tread lightly around me for a while...
Damnit I thought it was Alex...I thought that Alex was gone I would be free and now I know that he was only a facet in my fucking complicated life...damnit! Why do i have to be so fucking not normal!
Okay I should stop crying and go to bed now...umm...yeah...goodnight

Maybe it was my past coming back to haunt me...but i feel like crying now.

I'm going to the movies with Jeremy...we're going to see Punch Drunk Love

Maybe that will make me not think of my pathetic life and make fun of Adam Sandler for a few hours

Today was the West Point seminar...
And dont you worry your pretty little head off...nothing happened. I didn't stare dreamingly into anyone's eyes or anything like that. So I think I'm safe.
I had counseling this morning and my therapist is going to help me. Apparently, from the questions she was asking me, I have social anxiety disorder. I don't want to have any disorder...I just want to be normal. She assured me I would heal me and all. I just wished that I had nothing to heal.
But seeing West Point cadets in dress greys brought it all back. They were walking to the campus center is two neat rows like Madeliene...and I leaned up against the wall and panicked. So i went downstairs and greeted them. I know my therapist told me not to force myself, but I had to be nice...they are humans too you know, even if they are trained to kill.

Tomorrow's the West Point seminar...
And I know what you're thinking...you're thinking about how stupid I am that I picked out my outfit a week in advance...but I dont give a shit.
Yeah that's right, go blow it all up your ass...because Emily doesn't care what you think...

I'm going to go to the west point seminar and I'm going to have a good time...
and who knows?

You guys ready to meet Alex Jr.?

Of course you're not...and if by some twist of fate Emily gets herself shot by the military's winged arrow, you all will have the chance to view him as if he were a piece of meat and then judge him on a 1-10 scale...because we're not going to end up lying on the bathroom floor in Muncie, IN anymore...