The thing about today is that I realized something...about how my guy radar works...
and now i have a secret crush...but if i tell anyone at Bard they'll make fun of me. But he's just adorable and cute and funny...

Trefor today told me my blog was sad...but it's not crying, the writer is just lonely...so Trefor, while your opinion is valid, why do you read my blog if you're just going to rub it in my face that you're so much more in control of your life than me? I know you are...so the best thing to remedy this is for you to just stop reading...and then you can make fun of someone else and let me have my own opinions.

I'm listening to my music really loud...the stoners are having a party next door...so to combat the pot smell, I'm blasting the olympic team...

"Dude, is the torch passing by or something????"

To give you the extent of my writer's block...here's what I used to be able to accomplish

"I always thought the time would come where I would be faced with a situation that I couldn’t solve and the world would turn around and laugh at me. I never knew how soon that was until now.
I am not being scoffed at, only admired to a point, which is unsure.
No one is around to be weary of me…I am like the world unto itself
Talking is a special…or not so special talent I possess. It seems to me a shamble for me to waste my time when all I know is how my nose hurts and how I am in love with a man I hardly know.
Look at me, I’m not the fat girl in the corner now but mature, able to handle everything but my own imagination, which needs a lasso.
A tall confusion stands in front of me and I can’t do anything about it but get rid of the dark and quiet mystery.
I love you, I really do but what I have now is a man who could treat me like I was actually something and not nothing. Quoting Freud used to be a turn on, but now it’s a useless chore."

It doesn't make sense, but look at the wording, the metaphor! I can't do shit now...
The best phrase I have ever found in my writing was from two years ago:
"I don't cry over spilled words."

The Music Video

I started to walk home from orchestra at 10 PM...the music is Radiohead's "Paranoid Android" and the leaves are falling all around me...the temp. is about 50 degrees, I'm wearing a blue hooded sweatshirt and jeans (I look like Eminem...ohhh yeah, that's what I aspire to) and the outside lights are shining this foggy light...and then once that song is over Indigo girls' "Ghost" comes on...I look up at the sky and stop...and there's one star up in the sky...and then I realized I was in the twilight zone...
I felt like I was in a music video, one of those bitchy country singers walking in the dark singing to no one, staring up at the sky to look for inspiration...

It made me feel pretty pathetic...so I ran home, put on Ravel's string quartet and sank back to stare at the curtains my mom made for the room...so if you're ever at Tremblay here at the fabulous Bard college (we have a swingset here at college...we need a slide too, show other colleges that bard really is a place to "think") come over to Tremblay (mind the stoner shit everywhere...fucking losers are glueing barbie dolls to the walls, something Im going to have to pay for) and hang out for awhile...and keep me company while i walk so I don't think I'm in a music video anymore

So I know you loyal bloggers are all dying to know what happened with Konstantin...and so I'll tell you...
Let's go back for a moment and remember Alexander H. Raggio...the unyielding Republican values, the rediculous outbursts of random NRA bullshit...the threats, the intelligence that was wasted on stupid ideals and Pro American morals...all wrapped up inside a man trained by our government through MY tax dollars to kill.
And what does this have to do with Konstantin? Well...let's see, how about THEY ARE THE SAME FUCKING PERSON! Only of course turn Alex into a nerdish bookworm with a long bilingual vocabulary and socialist, far left Bardian ideals...and Konstantin can't kill (unless of course you know, they're polluting the atmosphere by driving their white SUVs through the Republican Darien Elitist CEO filled valleys of smut and deceit blah blah blah)
I'm sad you know? Because I actually had faith that this guy would understand my American quest, but he's as blind as Alex! Moderates are the only people that get American society because they examine every possible angle! We don't scream and shit our pants when someone gets bombed...and we don't freak out when some asshole Democrat brings up disarming Automatic weapons (ohh no GUN CONTROL AHHHH) That's what sucks about America, Bard, the world...people don't sit back and enjoy the ride, they have to criticize every fucking thing..."Look its a Gucci store, those capitalist pigs" or "Cut the defense budget??? You fucking hippies"
You know what? Why can't we all just get along!
I'm going to bed...I need to fall in love with non partisans

I just got this Crite sheet from Mark Lindeman, my Government prof. It's not the best Crite sheet I've ever gotten but it rings true in a theme that has been a presence in most of my crite sheets: Satire...and it makes me feel all tingly all over!

"Emily is imcomparably the funniest student in the class, and better yet, her funniness is on topic. However Emily is not always very precise in enuciating her arugments; it is possible that she is a bit too concerned with humor at the expense of precision. If she really gets interested in politicial issues, she has a bright future in satirical analysis a la Molly Ivins."

See that...BRIGHT FUTURE...

It's going to be a good day...
Okay, off for lunch, see some old house...and then...CONSTITUTION STATE HERE I COME!

Tomorrow I'm going home for a day and then Saturday night I'm having dinner with West Point Jason...

Today in therapy my therapist asked me what my mother was like and i started to cry...all she asked was "what's your mom like?"
It was weird...

Kevin and Jen are setting me up (they want to at least) with a guy from CT named Konstantin...he's from Russia...and likes Punk music or something i dont know...but its been so long if my computer asked me out i would say yes (but my computer is an asshole...so i dont really know)

I don't really have anything to say other than i should be doing work but i dont want to...but I'm going home tomorrow! YAY

as I woke up after my dream of being the ugliest prostitute ever (I had shoulder hair!)...and the free breast examiner (yeah i dont know what was up with that) telling me I was "fat but fun..." I went online to check how the election went...well, it sucks because now the Republicans have control of the entire American government...
"Well" I thought..."This can't get much worse.."

Well it did get worse...there were no Wheat Thins in the Green Onion Grocer!
This just adds to a cold, rainy and foul day in Bardland...

The only good thing about today was I finally killed the fly that has been terrorizing my room...
Oh, and Porter and I didn't win the lottery...

Suicide is lookin' pretty sweet...or moving to Canada, at least they have universal health care