Today I woke up at 7AM and outside my window was a winter wonderland...
I got so excited that I turned on the radio and jumped up and down when they said Darien schools were closed. And I stopped and said, "Wait...I'm a sophomore at Bard College..."
I went downstairs and Mom and I decided to make waffles and bacon. Being home isn't bad, it's just that it's cutting off my ability to hang out in Suite F. It's cutting off my ability to be social (though I do have my friends here and I love them dearly)
So now there's nothing to do but wait...let the seconds tick by and the minutes slowly twirl around the clock.

On a typically unrelated topic: Sean called Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash yesterday and none other than THE walt flannigan answered the phone. Sean says he's never washing his phone again. I don't know which Walt Flannigan moment I like best in Kevin Smith's movies but i think it has to be in Dogma outside the abortion clinic

"Fucking baby killers!"
"Tell 'em Steve Dave!"

Home at last...

I don't really want to be here right now...I'd rather be in the folds of Suite F than in the loving arms of my mother. Pathetic, yes...but yet it's been a while since I have felt the feelings I feel now. All this time I thought they had been taken away by the wrongdoers of my past...but now that I have found someone, I am giddy like a middle school girl at a dance...I am quite a sight to see I assure you.
Tomorrow I will be snowbound in my house with nothing but the loud mouth of the TV to keep me occupied.
As for the continued saga of "Two Nerds in Love" --- It should be called "One nerd in love...the other nerd is confused"
I am found that while my feelings for Braden grow, I believe he is growing distant. I know he likes me...he told me so himself, and why would he lie to me! We sit together in silence and stare at walls, waiting for something to happen, waiting for a sign.
I have drawn countless cartoons of me ripping my hair out in anger screaming, "Fuck me!" at the top of my lungs. I am anxious for something, anything to happen...and yet I know that I have to wait, sit here in the confines of the snow and home until I can stare at walls again with him at Bard.
She told me this would happen...but I never thought it would be this difficult...
"Don't you see...let it happen now"

My uncle called me this morning at 9:35 AM...
I was dreaming about flying through sterile rooms when the phone rang. I didn't think it was mine but it was. My uncle owns my old computer from high school and doesn't really know anything about computers. He told me he was writing an article for the Woodstock Times and needed to know how to save it onto a floppy disk. My uncle is one of the most cultured men I know...I admire his knowledge, library, his Victorian garden, his cooking. I just would assume he would be able to figure out how to save to a disk. But I don't hold it against him. I'm just glad I could help him out.

To continue with my saga of "two nerds in love" ---
Braden's twenty-second birthday is thrusday. I'm thinking of getting him a box of Wheat Thins so we can share in my obsession. It doesn't bother me that he's 22 and hasn't done anything sexual in nature in his whole life. I thought that was how I would end up. But for some reason, being near him turns me into a bumbling idiot. In teen movies: when the nerd wants to ask the cheerleader out on the date, he stumbles for words, freudian slips all over the place and ends up falling on his ass while the cheerleader steps on him. That's how I feel. I can't stop myself from saying the dumbest shit! Maybe it's because I am attracted to him or maybe it's because I'm a moron.
I'm just treading lightly around the sexual frustration I guess...
Tune in next time for another story of "Two Nerds in Love"
Same nerdy time
Same nerdy channel

Batman

I drew a picture of Braden in my journal today...looking innocent as always with the caption: "This could get messy"
But I shouldn't say that it's messy. There was another caption: Better than Alex.
Braden doesn't know how to mistreat a woman. Of course, as it was pointed out to me later...does he know how to treat a lady as well?
I could never picture Braden firing a gun or calling me a whore and telling me to bake a pie for him while he quietly sips a shitty warm beer and watches sports.

So what happens now you loyal readers who peer into my life like peering into an animal's glass prison at the zoo? Lord only knows.
We talked about it while we sat on the floor of the old gym. I looked like a secretary from the 1960's...he looked like my boss.
I had been drinking screwdrivers without orange juice and so...like two antisocial wallflowers at the middle school dance, I leaned over to him and told him. "you know, I like you a lot..." I almost said "more than a friend" I swear.
He looked at me with his pretty little boy blue eyes. "So they've told me. Well, I kinda like you too. But I don't really know what to do next. You should come over to my room and watch batman."
Batman...Braden's little obsession. Well I have obsessions: the military, wheat thins, the History channel, Woody Allen movies...
So after watching Batman Returns...will everything be right in the world?
Stay tuned for the next spinetingling story of:
Two Nerds in Love

Welcome to Tremblay

Today I have guests at Tremblay 102...and we all should be asleep on the floor
but NO!

The stoners tonight are louder than they have ever been in my entire life...and I feel awful about it. They're sleeping on the floor while the stoners scream for their bongs and slam doors. What is a girl to do? If I ever date Braden...I'm spending weekends with him in his quiet suite.

He's wearing a purple suit to the ISO. I've always wanted to date a man who wears a purple suit.

It's 3:40 AM...

I have therapy in about 6 hours...but I've been watching "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" with Braden instead of sleeping. Maybe the reason I like him so much is because he watches cartoons just like me but rather he is untouched, untainted by the world and surroundings...Like Pete almost, the "box with airholes" crap. He doesn't have a history of wrongdoings like I do.

Maybe that's what I need...a man with a clean slate to also wipe my misfortunes away...

Today over lunch Jesse told me Operation: Effort was stupid. But didn't I say yesterday that it was? They are "operations" and yes, that has military connotations but aren't I doing what every military has been doing for centuries?
I have a plan...strategic posts, I am the general...
I am going into somewhat hostile territory...where there could be emotional casulties and fatigue
And finally, I must take over this "new land" for my own...thus winning the war

I don't claim to have a military mind and nor would I ever want one...but this just seems to make sense for me and I have proof it works...
And one day, Like Napoleon (though I'm not taking all of Europe, just a small country)...I will be exiled by the nation that I so loved and that's the way life is. But if this were really war...

I wouldn't get to do it again and again until I die