So it's settled...
I'm writing a book...the title is unknown...it's a non fiction memoirist adventure into America and regionalism. I'm going across America to study the behavior of individuals...
It's hard to describe what I want to write about it...because I'm confused as to what exactly it's about...regionalism is what I say, but who knows. But that's it...I'm writing a book. It makes me feel good that I'm actually writing something, a book...to discover America...to find out why we function in this world of chaos?

I went to Philly to visit Sean...we did nothing...and it was awesome...his roomy really is an asshole though. I feel bad for Sean.

My drive back to CT was filled with Americana memories...long lines in women's bathrooms, a Nathan's hotdog, a guy that pumped my gas was overly excited about his job...

It made me jealous for one moment

I have met the man of my dreams....

He is a waiter in a restaurant that is attached to a nightclub. Their menu is vast and hard to understand. I didn't know what to order so he sat next to me...He had glasses and puffy blonde hair, his voice was soothing. He told me his name was Peter. He told me not to order certain things, while on the other hand...I still couldn't understand the menu. All my friends were telling me to hurry up.
"That's okay." I said, "I'm not hungry."
"Oh come on..." Peter told me, looking into my eyes..."You have to eat something...you didn't come to a restaurant not to eat."
My God was his the most beautiful thing I have ever seen....I stood and looked at him. "How old are you?"
"21" he told me. It seems that all my friends had dissappeared and this all made sense.
"I don't know...I just have some feeling about you..." And he leaned and kissed me! Oh joy of joys, oh rapture!
He met my mother the next day, we drove in his old Ford Explorer, it was red. My mother seemed so happy. Finally a man in the household to be happy about...no more republicans, manwhores, or intellectuals...
We were off to get beer, Heineken keg cans...my mother told me that was okay and when we got back, we lay on the couch and drank, we were so happy.

And then I woke up...alone in a dorm full of hippies, sadnened by my loss of the perfect waiter.

A Point (finally):

There is never, and there never will...the final coup de grace of my life. When I raise my hand to speak in class, I know that what comes out of my is not what I reflect. I am merely a poor player in Leon Botstein's sick game of life.
I fell asleep today at 7:15 PM in a world of American paranoia. I dreamt of Walden and the safety of Thoreau, of flying through Copland's musical landscapes. I woke up in the coughing splutter, eyes full of tears, mouth full of allergic reaction. But none the less I felt safe. Safety is something we Americans covet as a treasure now, am i right?

Maybe there is a point...
Maybe I am here at Bard as an experiment...they're watching me through the light fixture. Leon with his mansion on the hill...peering down at Tremblay, "Now What do we have here?" I'm here as the joke...the stupid student joke, except then why not put light fixtures in all the stoner dorms...line the hallways of Tewks with real cameras...no, that's artificial stupidity.
So here I am Leon...do your worst.
Being stuck in a room with only books as your friends...can do a lot to you mentally

Using, I might add, the same template as fellow Bardian Emily Sauter, who has a lot of time and energy to write with, but not much to say.

Ahhh, my first bad review...of course this comes from Todd, and well...I mean, I can't blame him...he does write better than I do...and if my link button was working, i could show you...
Of course I don't use my Blog to show off my writing ability or use big words or anything like that. My blog is well, a technical journal...a town cryer announcing in the town square, "This is what Emily is saying...you may listen...or plug your ears."
I don't blame him for writing that...my writing style has been lacking in the months, having no inspiration to draw on, having no desire to actually think of writing creatively in the first place. It's not gone, i think...whereas it's hiding for me to find and it's pissing me off.

So Todd, what do you want me to say? How can I be as good as you??? Will I ever achieve your beautiful greatness?
I sure as hell hope not.

Happy Twin Day: Celebrating the sexiest twins in the America...

Tomorrow is Twin Day...something Jesse, Dave 1, and I have invented...because the name Patriot Day for September 11th is just "plane" (oh man, that was bad...I'm sorry) stupid...I mean, the only patriots on September 11th were the fucking terrorists that killed all the innocent people!!!
So We have named it twin day...in honor of the twin towers...and Jesse and I are dressing up like twins to honor the biggest and best twin there ever was!

Dave 3 gave me half his Adderall today at dinner...I'm actually kind of glad I took it, even though that's illegal...I think...but it really helped me (and is still helping me) get motivated into doing my school work...I'm way ahead of my courseload...so I can concentrate more on my papers instead.
I may sound like a dork...but I'm working so I can improve my grades...It's only been a week and I know so much about politics already, it's crazy...I was rambling to my composer friend jason about Social Darwinism and how it would be unconstitutional to go against the UN seeing that we fund most of it and all...I'm getting pretty savvy at the talk of politics...I can actually defend myself when I talk to Alex...except I added a 'whatever' in my debate and he got mad at me...but oh well...

I got my Copland CDs in the mail....5 CDs of Copland goodness...I'm melting with Copland glee! It's just great study music because it's so American, and since all my classes are American study classes...well...let me just say that I am really learning a lot about my country. We do a lot of shitty stuff...

Okay, I'm going to read and then I'm going to post up fencing posters for the fencing meeting this thrusday...
Philly is soon! HOORAH!!
Man, Copland's "Dream March" from the Red Pony is fantastic...
Bye Y'all...have a killer..i mean, great Twin Day!

There's too much to do and too little time to do it.

Oh Cliche but true!
My social life has consisted of reading alone in my room listening to the Amelie soundtrack...My only joy comes from a 15 minute break I allow myself to go to the bathroom and maybe talk online...I am very disciplined because I know it's the only way I can function...if i don't work, then i lose...if i do work, then i might be able to sleep at night.

There is a fly in our room that won't die. He is around and I would like to kill him. But he's just too crafty for me and porter. Oh sadness...
This weekend I go to Philly...I know this weekend I will lie awake and think: why did i leave? I have that paper on manifest destiny to write...I have that reading to do...I have to do this, i have to do that...
Slowly, I think i might have to go crazy. Emerson told me today in his "American Scholar" that to find genius, a man must find solitude...
I have found too much solitude. I know too much about American History...Dean Acheson, September 11th, FDR, Lizzie Borden, Child Labor laws, public opinion...it's all in my brain and I'm powerless to stop the surge of knowledge.

Learning is painful...
Tonight I'm cooking dinner...I find happiness in cooking...which makes me happy. It's a break from reading, a time to socialize and relax...I find it nice...
I want to watch TV but i can't get any channels...I want channels!!!
Next time you see me, make sure I'm breathing...for if I'm not, you can be sure that college has turned me into a robot.

Today was a day...it wasn't just a normal day but it was some semblance of a day!

I bought the Amelie sountrack...damn good..
I got a letter from Pete...he loves me!
I ate Japanese food...YAY
I did work..BOO!

Wow, I'm drugged from my allergy pill...GOODNIGHT!
hopefully tomorrow will be filled with starting my papers...oooh goody!