Reading the news now has frightened me again...
I am not a paranoid person about the news...But going to Iraq is scaring me...I dont know. Doesn't it seem so not important? I dont understand...I am an American Studies Major, I have read the news everyday on this subject and I still don't get it. I am becoming the subdued person I was after 9/11...reading the news and then crawling into a small corner, retreating...
I dont want fighter jets over my house again like they were last year. I just want it to be like it was when we didn't care about anything...that we had a golden age...
But I just can't fight it anymore...we're going to go to war with Iraq...all my west point friends are going to die...and that's the way life goes...

Just as long as we dont have a Vietnam 2...
I dont want anyone's number coming up...

a good idea for "Adventures in Bardland"

Annie: So how's your hamburger stand on the triangle going?
Thatcher: Great, those Feitler kids will believe anything you tell them!

So I'm sick, we're going to war with Iraq, and I have to go to orchestra tomorrow...

I don't like all this Iraq crap...Bush is such a jerk...He's just doing it because Daddy couldn't oust him so Little George has to do it. Makes me sad to be an American...

Today I got up the energy to CVS and buy a new box of tissues and Vitiman C drops. I got a lot of gatorades too but my taste buds are really messed up so I really can't taste anything...Gatorade just tastes kinda bitter and sweet at the same time...it's weird. Yet, I still keep drinking it..

It's been almost a month since I got a letter from Peter Alfred Schiller...I hope he hasn't got Johnny Garrison syndrome of just, not writing back...there has to be something wrong here. Pete pledged his love to me, his counselor...and I expected that me, being his first love ever...he would bow and break before me...but I guess that I am not as important as I used to be. Even in the world of 16 year old boys, I don't have a chance.

I should really stop drinking this gatorade...

I am sick....

It's just a bad head cold but it's really dragging me down...I really can't function except reading and watching movies. I have a paper due and I really want to start it, but I really dont have the mental capacity to even start it. It's about Thoreau's Walden and his bean field but it's just too thick and dense to even start. So i am confined to my pjs, my bed, and a stack of books I have to read. I tried to read the Mr. X telegram about the Soviet Union but it's too much work...

Being sick really sucks. I wish i was home, then i could watch TV with a gatorade...that would be awesome. I think I'm going to watch Half Baked or The big lebowski or the royal tenenbaums next...after all, that's all I'm good for...reading and watching movies...

if you want to make me feel better...give me a call...I am bored with reading about politics and Moby Dick...=(

Or take me to get more dayquil...im running out...

the question now is: what now?

Do I apologize? Do I get down on my sore knees and cry out, "Botstein, I'm sorry!" My newest character is wearing a shirt that says, "I'm sorry Leon" I don't want to apologize, but this is the top of the top...the ringmaster of the circus of Bard! Rain says i shouldn't apologize but this man has pull...he could destroy my Bard career if Ididn't comply with this simple request of the powerful words, "I'm sorry."

I have to apologize...my life, I feel...is always going to be walking the tightrope...which could be fun. After all, I left the office of Dave Shein pretty happy with myself...I had made a small dent in the structure of Bardland...

She's a strong structure too...

"You've achieved infamy as a sophomore" were the words that were uttered from Dave Shein's mouth, the dean of students...

So my cartoon was a hit, but apparently not to our president Leon Botstein...who read the cartoon and apparently was furious. "What do we know about this Emily Sauter" he asked Dave Shein...He thinks I have a creative genius but I can "go too far" he told me in my meeting with him this morning. I felt like i was in the principal's office. So now i have to apologize to Leon and I'll probably do it in my cartoon.
I mean, I did achieve infamy at Bard...that's hard to do...you really have to be an asshole to achieve it...so note to bard kids, make fun of Leon's sex life, and you're in.
Basically in my meeting the dean told me that it was libel and that i can't "cross lines" anymore. It's hard at Bard, you can make fun of everything...but apparently not Leon's sex life..Being sued for my first cartoon by Bard College would really suck.
"I didn't think Leon read the observer" I said...
"He reads it cover to cover" replied Dave Shein.
So now I'm being watched I'm sure...but it's all good...I have achieved infamy. I'm somebody. So they can watch me all they want. Go ahead...

I have known I was a moron for a while...but this recent action should be like, in some HALL OF MORONS!

I signed up for the West Point joint seminar AGAIN! What did i tell myself, that the military was not a place for Emily's ideals...What did we learn from Alex Raggio? A whole lot...that men think they own the world once you give them a fucking gun.

But i have a reason to go (this time it's not to scope out the uniforms) it's to research my book...to ask around...to find out what west point cadets think of America...and maybe, just maybe...I can find America in some poor soul...and not just a group of JohnnyGarrisons from Muncie, Indiana...this time it's for research, not to find a "real man"

Still, I am a moron...a big huge moron...stamp a moron sticker on my forehead, because I fucking deserve it.

Stupid, stupid, stupid...