as I woke up after my dream of being the ugliest prostitute ever (I had shoulder hair!)...and the free breast examiner (yeah i dont know what was up with that) telling me I was "fat but fun..." I went online to check how the election went...well, it sucks because now the Republicans have control of the entire American government...
"Well" I thought..."This can't get much worse.."

Well it did get worse...there were no Wheat Thins in the Green Onion Grocer!
This just adds to a cold, rainy and foul day in Bardland...

The only good thing about today was I finally killed the fly that has been terrorizing my room...
Oh, and Porter and I didn't win the lottery...

Suicide is lookin' pretty sweet...or moving to Canada, at least they have universal health care

Maybe its the pounds of pot that my floormates smoke but I had some weird dreams...

I can only remember a few segments of this wacky world that My brain dwells in.
Dream Part #1: Monica and Todd come up to me and talk to me...Todd tells me that he loved using me...Monica agrees

Dream Part #2: The Movie Rudy is now a baseball movie shown on IMAX screens...I am married to Rudy, who I believe is played by some Handsomer version of Jim Carrey...little kids are playing outside and we hook up in front of them...then my body splits into 3 clones and we chase Rudy into a swimming pool...

Dream Part #3: I am part of the cast of the hit NBC show "Friends" where at this very moment, a child molester is trying to attack Ross' Ben and Rachel's beloved Emma. I try to stop him but he comes after me, biting me in the arm and I start to bleed. Chandler, Monica and I are hidden in the bathroom while Rudy, for some reason is there...kicks the child molester in the crotch but The child molester says that his nuts got shot off during Vietnam...Rudy curses the senseless war and we call the police, the police turns up to be a pregnant woman in a sheer dress that arrests the man and then stays with me to drink juice and watch Aladdin...

Now do normal people have dreams like that? I dont think so...

Porter and I became Americans and bought a lottery ticket today for the first time in our middle class lives. We didn't understand how to do it, and we felt really stupid but with the NY state lottery up to 75 Million Dollars, stupidity was worth it.

Okay I didn't see Santa Clause 2, but I got three really bitchin' shirts that all match and now I have 4 of the same shirt, which apparently embodies my mom's side of the family spirit...so my uncle says. They invited me for salmon burgers and to tour their victorian garden this weekend...but Jason also has invited me to walk around the charming villages of the Hudson Valley. Hopefully this weekend I will be invited back to Monica and Todd's dinner gathering...I did get drunk and hit on Tony...maybe that wasn't the smartest thing for me. But I dont really know...

Back to reading and sleeping...
I forgot how good Vince Guaraldi trio jazz really is...

Everything is in its right place...

Last night I had the honor of going to Monica and Todd's party...for chili and biscuits. and Wine...
I fell asleep on Monica's floor for a half hour in front of Jesse and Tony. I have red wine stains on my lips. I woke up this morning lonely again.
But I had a really good time...and today I'm having lunch with my mommy and my uncles (yeah they're gay! Hooray!) at some restaurant where I'm going wallow in my own...umm..something. Maybe wallow in my sandwich.
Oh and our room is clean...
And don't laugh, but I'm going to watch the Santa Clause 2 with my mommy today! Hey, it looks good...and Tim Allen, whoa, what a great actor hehehe
Catch ya on the flip side yall

well i got the crying out of me...which is good...but it was sad on what I cried about. See Porter and I have been two single girls and I took honor that a girl as beautiful as her was in the same lonely boat as me...but I learned that wasn't the case at 3 AM this morning...so it's just me now, I'm the lonely one.
Jason says my psychological problems are what society deems normal...but I'm sure that isn't that case. I feel like today I was getting worse and worse until my mental capacity was going to fly out the window holding my sanity by its hand. But I think its still here...I'm thinking of running home to Darien, but I'm sure mother would be confused and then i'd have to tell her the story of Indiana and one day yes, I'll tell her but for now that's just something that she can't really know. But i'll stay here in Bardland where it seems my antisocial behavior is at its top pinnacle. I don't blame college, I'd blame any college probably...
And I did see Punch Drunk Love...and it was good. But Adam Sandler's socially maladjusted character was almost like me...if I was a guy I'd probably punch glass and everything but I'm just a girl. And it saddened me that I could relate to a person as screwed up as he was? Except he had strength in the love of a beautiful woman...so he could do no wrong, and I have the love of nothing...so I lack the heroic values and sentiment.
Why it's 4 AM and I'm writing this I don't know...but I just wanted to warn you maybe that you should tread lightly around me for a while...
Damnit I thought it was Alex...I thought that Alex was gone I would be free and now I know that he was only a facet in my fucking complicated life...damnit! Why do i have to be so fucking not normal!
Okay I should stop crying and go to bed now...umm...yeah...goodnight

Maybe it was my past coming back to haunt me...but i feel like crying now.

I'm going to the movies with Jeremy...we're going to see Punch Drunk Love

Maybe that will make me not think of my pathetic life and make fun of Adam Sandler for a few hours