Extra Extra! Read all about it! Emily and her "secret crush" have talk to discuss being "more than friends" on the playground!

"Two Nerds in Love" doesn't exist anymore...
let's just get one thing straight here...Indiana messed me up. I hate Johnny and Alex for what they did to me and how they took my courage and my ideals and my hope that the world was decent and flushed it down the toilet along with my soco ranked vomit.
I've wanted to get over my problem and with the use of therapy, I seem to be getting better to understanding why I am the way I am after New Years 2002. And through my false love of Pete Schiller, the 50 year old man stuck in a 15 year old's body...I thought I was cured. But it occurs to me now, and yes some people have told me this...I go for the safe ones. Ones I know who could never mistreat a woman.
so go to college looking for the safe one and who do you get? That's right: Braden Lamb.
I adore Braden for his dry wit...his love of Clerks animated...but just by looking at his room, his side parted hair (a friend of mine told me any guy who parts his hair on the side has problems) and his love for cartoons. But Braden, like Kevin says, is stuck in a pre pubescent world of dinosaurs and leggos. He is, unforunately like me in that he hides behind a journal full of cartoon worlds. His character is Stephanie the duck...mine is Annie Viller...hiding in your journal can be caustic to your life. Lord knows I resent Annie for what she did to me. She stole my social fabric.
Braden and I are two boats drifting apart...a fine metaphor...or any metaphor will do at least. We're two socially awkward kids in a world where what we watch on TV is the norm. I am 19 years old...I should be having sex with many people I dont know. I tried that...and look where that got me. So society is full of shit.
Braden just turned 22 years old...by America's standards he should be getting a job...going out with the boys and getting a beer...hitting on younger women, watching sports. Braden is a social drinker yes, I applaud him that he knows how to drink like a man. But sadly i must confirm that that's all that makes him a man. Other than that he's but a small child in a world that frightens him
So what happens now? Patience fellow viewers...
For I'm sure this is only the beginning of a socially awkward journey into romance

I pay 38,000 dollars a year...to get sick

Yeah, that's right...a pipe burst in Olin Hall leaving all the classrooms freezing. The temp. outside was 15 degrees and indoors, it was about the same. Ever take notes with mittens on? That's right...you dont need to because you go to a responsible college or what not...

Braden put a hat and goggles on me and told me I was hot...for the first time ever he has advanced some hint that he's sexually attracted to me. Finally!
I even watched Batman tonight, sitting in his clean room with dinosaurs sitting on the dressers and thought provoking posters on the walls. And his bed, is always made with a nice green bedspread...he's a 22 year old guy, his room should be a mess!
But I digress...
With nothing to digress about other than I'm sick from learning (literally) and sick of waiting for the child to crawl out of diapers and into a man (Figuratively)
I'm just sick...sick...sick...sick...

Back at Bard- but with all sorts of things going on!

I locked my keys in the car (but i didn't really) and the sheriff of Red Hook took the time to open my car for me and then i found them sitting on my bed. So I win the jerkass award this week.
Since I left my cello here over the weekend, there is a large crack in the middle of it...which is going to be expensive and not very fun to fix
I have too many hard papers to write and not enough time to write them

That's all the bad stuff: but on the other hand "Two Nerds in Love" has been going pretty well...
I mean, when the soda machine wouldn't give me a coke he told me he'd kick its ass...which was sweet
and he did tell me he'd write my observer article for me...that was nice too

It seems that it'll happen soon, just whenever we grow up to do anything about it is uncertain

My dream was a classic Emily's messed up nightmare kind of thingy.

First of all, it was set at West Point. I mean, that's just perfect, right? It was me and a bunch of little kids and we were flying out of West Point for somewhere, I don't really remember. And one of the kids was a quiet little boy who had some issues. The other girls were watching him. We all boarded the plane and West Point Jason was there.
"I have a funny feeling about this ride" he told me. The plane took off but lost all altitude and slammed into a large pine tree and then into the Hudson below. The door opened and Jason and I swam to the surface, I was barely alive when we reached the top. Everyone in the plane had petrified into little glass animals. Then we heard a cackle. A small officer's child, the kid with issues, was standing in full dress uniform on the bluffs with mechanical gear screaming, "It comes down to this! I will kill you one day Emily...and all your dreams will now be nightmares."
Jason and I dried off and were mourning the loss of the dead at the West Point club when everything turned black and white and the kids face turned to me from outside with his father playing on the lawn.
"Am I crazy?" I asked Jason and he told me I was and to watch out for myself.

What is wrong with me!

"What I do, when lightning strikes me?"

I've been drugged all day...by one little tiny Dimetapp 12 hour allergy relief. My life flashed before my eyes in the car ride from Darien to the city today to see "The Goat" with Sally Field. She breaks a lot of shit in that play...it's pretty awesome. I was sitting at the table at Jo Allen restaurant with my cousin and his girlfriend Gloria. I do enjoy Gloria, because when I talk to her, she makes me sound like a gossipy Italian Jersey woman, just like her. Except we were talking Faulkner and speech therapy and not hair and nails. Gloria nudged me and asked me if I was still with Alex and I made a disgusted face. She then asked if there was someone else.
And what could I tell them? Telling them that Braden is my boyfriend is a lie...but having no one is also a lie. So I just "I don't know...not really"
All of my days I have been searching for closure from everything from Indiana to Braden. I just want answers, not having to be damn Nancy Drew and snoop around for clues. It took me 9 months to find out what REALLY happened in Indiana and now, I have to tip toe, begging the Suite F kids for clues to figure out how to get Braden to be mine...
All weekend, especially now that I'm drugged up good, I've been dreaming of the way to get him to submit into the arms of Emily Sauter (and I know there are a lot of you out there that are feeling sorry for Braden if he ever ends up with me...that he should stay this clean slate forever, well let me tell you something...I'm not the thing anyone of you remember me by...I've been harden by life...) My ideas are pretty bad. But I think all it will take is a little batman and some "fancy footwork." It'll be like Pete Schiller...but with copious amounts of alcohol.

I drew a cartoon of Braden and I'm thinking of turning into a painting. We're standing in a corner and I'm wearing a Harry Potter shirt and I lean over to him and ask, "Hey, how about we act mature for once? You know, you act like you're 22 and i'll be the naive 19 year old?"
You never know, acting our ages could be thrilling!

I threw a dinner party last night...
It was kinda like the Friday night dinners that I usually go to at Bard...but we had a better kitchen and the cooking expertise of my mother and no alcohol. Steak, baked potatos, and make your own brownie sundaes.
We also went to Blockbuster and rented one real movie...and one movie we could make fun of. We rented Monsters Inc. because it's a quality movie...and our fake movie...well let's just say I feel pretty stupid having watched it. That's right...we rented "How High" starring two fine actors, Method Man and Redman. We did laugh a lot because the movie was just rediculous. Maybe I'm a snobby white girl...but I feel stupid having to sit through that. One upside: The love interest was Lisa Turtle from our fav show, "Saved by the Bell." Everyone remember to watch the E! true hollywood story about Saved by the bell on sunday night at 8 PM. I know i'll be watching.
I do miss Bard though...I keep thinking about it...the good side (the suite) vs. the bad side (TERM PAPERS FROM HELL!)
I got my job schedule from the pharmacy for intersession
Come visit me Christmas Eve AND New Years Eve...because i'll be there, giving old people a hard time and eating candy

Thanksgiving baby!

I realize that there isn't really anything to talk about...because I'm sure all your thanksgivings were exactly like mine...the banter of what movies were good (I put in my shout out for Bowling for Columbine, but was blatantly ignored) the registered game of Trivial Pursuit (me and my aunt's nerdy nephew vs. the world...and we lost, big time) and the large bird and mashed potatoes heating on my uncle's wood burning stove.
Just the run of the mill t day...

I'm going to watch chick flicks and feel sorry for myself...
too much pie