Fuck you AOL!

Today Kevin and Sean bravely set up my computer with wireless connections so I'll be online basically all the time now! I can't wait. I had hamburger helper tonight and it made me think of the Suite F days but since it was at home, it really wasn't the same.

Last night I had a camp reunion and Kim Wiggin pinched my butt (which I was against) but it was still good to see her. I'm thinking of setting up Matt Stern, sexually confused sweetheart with Mr. Aylen himself. I thought Matt needs a teacher and what better teacher than J. Oliver Aylen, master of homosexuality (he would like to think he was at least). We'll see how the cards play out. I'm just thinking for Jesse's sake for our Suite F orgy.

I don't know how I feel about vacation so far. I've been up to my knees in pharmacy work but making money has really been my number 1 priority. I see money as a good thing...

Well, I don't really have much to comment on...I'm just happy about this wireless connection and I want to shout it from the rooftops...
"Honey, what rhymes with blueballs?"

Merry Everything!

Here I am listening to Prokofiev's War and Peace on CD (3 CD's and libretto! I feel so cultured) on my new very fancy room CD player. Christmas was a good experience for me...the relatives stayed only a few shorts hours because of the snow and so that left time for watching "A Christmas Story" and episodes of Trading Spaces! The best gift so far was the family gift...wireless networking for the house! So now I won't have the deal with a heartless corp. like AOL ever again! YAY!
Last night Casey and I talked orgies for Suite F. I think maybe in a few months, the Suite F crew will be ready for something good, like an orgy of sorts. Maybe it isn't a good idea...but I just thought it would certainly an adventure, that's for sure.
It's only been five days and I can't stand it any longer! I miss Bard! I miss Braden more! It's been a few days since I talked to him (2 days...feels like 2 weeks). I have a nasty case of longing and desire! Well, we'll see what is in store for Emily Steele Sauter in January...
As for the Holidays here in CT...it's snowing like the dickens...you hear me, LIKE THE DICKENS (sorry...achewood reference) and we're supposed to get 4 inches or something...Bard's getting a FOOT! HOORAY FOR THE WHITE STUFF!
Well I hope everyone had a merry Christmas...I'm going to sit in my semi warm house and probably fall asleep in front of the TV watching some fucking Christmas Special!
"Merry Christmas Bedford Falls!"

Another day in CT...

Last night I went to bed at 3 AM, trying to think about what had just happened. Colin Donegan, a fixture in high school had left the house 75 minutes prior and I was trying to figure out what had just gone on. Colin and I had one of those sexually frustrating relationships in high school and I figured that nothing was going to change. He came over and gave me a big hug and we went downstairs and watched Lilo and Stitch (good movie!) and then proceeded to just sit in the dark basement and talk for about two hours. He's really matured from the jerk who lead me on in high school. I felt really glad to just sit with him and talk to him about everything. When he left around 1:45 AM, I was pretty sad. Why hadn't I seen that Colin was a decent guy? He promised we would hang out again and I said that would be great. I really did have a great time with him.
I went online to see if anyone was on and Braden was. It was great to talk to him too. I was thinking about spending money to see him in Seattle as Monica suggested but Braden (aka awesome hot boyfriend...don't ask) is really busy. So I thought about it...and I'm thinking of going to the Keys for a few days to hang out with Jesse! If I can get my schedule worked out...I'm going to go! YAY!
I have work soon for the next five hours. Ready to help the dandy rich old Republican men of my town with their viagra. How come rich old men are gettin' it on and my boyfriend is all the way in Seattle!
Tonight we're playing "Never have I ever" and I'm pretty nervous about it. I don't know why...I just am.
Oh well...I'm going to watch high schoolers drink. That's pretty entertaining.

Home in Connecticut...

My grandmother came to dinner tonight and my mother sent me to go pick her up in Greenwich in her posh assisted living home that costs 600,000 dollars a year to live there. She's a Southern Belle by nature and if you bash the South, she'll tear you a new one. It doesn't matter that she's 85, she would still tear you a new one. Being home isn't so bad I guess. My drive home was eventful to say the least. There was a LARGE accident on the Taconic and they were closing it down obviously because someone had died. So I was sent into this large line of cars and unknowing of where I was going, travelled a nice detour through fishkill and into some other small towns. New York is a nice place.
I miss Bard so much. I miss Braden even though our relationship consists mainly of serious convesations of how crazy we are. Usually the normal Bard relationship means slipping between the sheets. Braden and I sit and look at each other and shake. Not normal, but reassuring that we'll grow together.
My grandma gave me 150 bucks for Christmas...so I'm going to buy Pink Floyd CDs...all of them...well the early ones that is. And learn all the words. I almost know all the words to the Wall and I know all the words to Dark Side...
I love Pink Floyd...because everything runs into everything else, like one giant song. And everything has hidden meanings. The Wall especially...sometimes I find myself crying when they sing "Nobody Home" and you hear the busy signal over and over again...it's just powerful.
Well off to spend. Work tomorrow...nervous as ever for it. But I'm sure i'll get into the Grieb's groove as soon as I get there.
Miss you bard kids!

No more classes! YAY!

Yesterday Braden surprised me by handing me a picture of himself saying, "Remember, you're awesome." It was in response to my Christmas present to him of a picture of me looking cross saying, "Remember you're 22." I put it in the back of my journal so I can stare at it during intersession like a fool. Yesterday all the Suite F folk saw "The Two Towers" all dressed in their garb (I loved the fact they went in costume to the movies...it was cute...very cute...almost absurdly cute) and apparently as Kelly said it was "All kinds of awesomeness." I haven't seen the first one yet so I didn't think I should go see the 2nd one and then see the first one, that wouldn't work. It's like right now I'm reading The Sportswriter by Richard Ford. I read Independece Day, the Pulitzer winning sequel first and now am finding myself wishing I had read Sportswriter first, but Independence Day was just an amazing book, I think I read it in about 4 days I believe. So now I am telling myself, do things in order...do not skip steps.
Tomorrow I go home, back to Connecticut where I shall remain for the next six weeks. I will still be typing away in my blog...weeping for some Bardians to talk to me and tell me that soon we can all go back to Bard and I won't have to work at the Pharmacy anymore.
For all of you who care...I'm mostly better from my bout of a nasty sinus infection (lousy shitty dorm). It helped that I drugged myself full of the NyQuil and slept for 12 hours straight. My government professor was upset at me because I wasn't doing research for my partial birth abortion paper, but no bother. I have till Xmas Eve to finish that beauty.
Well all of you kids...Emily is leaving the Bardland tomorrow at noon...
it's been a good semester...
Next time you'll hear from me, I'll be watching the History Channel with a tub of ice cream and my cat Spoo sitting by my side...

So editing my paper last night has made me sick...
I don't understand why I keep getting ill here...maybe because the dorm is a sack of shit, I don't know. But nonetheless, I feel utterly worthless. I kept having dreams of editing and I sat up and bed right quick and screamed, "No!" and Porter wakes up and looks at me and says, "Are you okay?" My dreams from when I'm sick are the worst. They always seem to make me feel like I'm dying. I remember being sick on Christmas once and my dreams were all about having a nice Christmas dinner, with close ups on the turkey and mashed potatoes and everything looked so green and beautiful. I woke up crying for whoever it was to stop torturing me. Last night was no exception...I was tortured and all I could see was stacks of papers that needed to be edited.

Today is a long day and I'm sick. If you read this, come visit me and comfort me while I waste away in Tremblay 102...I should be here from 3 o'clock onward.
Glad everyone is healthy....except me.

It's snowing out today and I lay in bed and watching "Bridget Jones' Diary" and fretted about my sexual well being.

Last night I made a call to John Francis O'Leary, my ex boyfriend who would like to bathe in money and womanize while drinking Grand Marnier (because it doesn't burn like cognaq does) and driving by himself on the Saw Mill Parkway remembering when he was a freshman, me and him had a fight while I drove him back from seeing Tom Stoppard's "Arcadia" with Anthony and my soon to be boyfriend Joshua Brinn (who was deathly afraid of being cheated on...and he was a year older than me but he acted like he was a 30 year old man...just the way John does now...John is taking me to Paris one of these days and then he becomes the womanizer he dreams about...Lord only knows where I will be when this happens, probably poor and pulling out my hair) But I told John the whole Braden (John calls him "The 12 year old with the strange name) and I told John how it struck me as odd the way Braden is just like when John was quote "A little kid" when we started to bring on the good old blue couch days. It was really four years ago, and he was fourteen and I was seventeen. But John practically demanded that this 12 year old with the strange name seemed like a guy who needed the "Sauter Experience" pretty badly. But there's something about John that's very enticing. Maybe it's because he's so hard to read. He carries himself with this sexual air that makes me because I'm a woman, melt with glee. But of course, I always get the feeling that John does not really care about me that much. Maybe I should throw away this notion, but it seems that if he emailed me and that he blames himself for our relationship failure (well it's my fault too, seeing that I am now at college and it's hard for him to just go to Annandale) But I dont know, we're going to see each other this Friday night. His parents are going to the office Christmas party...so I am worried that maybe I'm making the wrong choice.
But I realized something after watching "Bridget Jones' Diary" John is like Hugh Grant...all studly and cute and sexually smart and everything he does is just so right...but he needs that from every girl. Braden is like Colin Firth (well...not really but kind of) with the wrong things to say at the wrong time...and the awkwardness but still...there's something so good about him that you feel relieved that he's there with you.
So...what will it be Emily? Sex in John's bed with the Ansel Adams pictures on the wall and all the perverted talk? Or a man who is desperate need of some form of revelation and awakening but you're too scared to give it to him because you're afraid you're going to turn him into someone that you don't need right now.
As Garrison Holmes says in Operation Tactful Evolution:
"I'm as confused as you are"