Drinking Champagne in a dixie cup...

My New Years was not filled with glamour like the all Gershwin gala at Lincoln Center (I watched it on TV, asking myself why I wasn't there?) I was sitting eating a double cheeseburger with Kevin at the kitchen table, cheese dripping everywhere. My new years meal last year was chicken fingers in a deserted Arbys on the side of the road in Muncie so I think this year's dinner was a little better. I remember this bell in the Arbys at the side of the door and if you liked the service, you rang it on your way out and every employee chimed out "Thank you!" in perfect togetherness. I believe I rang the bell on my way out.

My New Years this year was an intimate affair. Ironically, the only alcohol I consumed was a dixie cup of champagne while I was working at the pharmacy. It was quite classy, all of us behind the counter and underaged...drinking champagne and helping customers. Yes, it was only a dixie cup, but it was enough alcohol for one day.

So there we were, in my den drinking sparkling cider and watching "Zoolander." The movie was pretty stupid, but it was really good and really funny. All those cameos in the movie are amazing.

The ball dropped and everyone hugged each other. I kissed my cat Spoo, hoping he would have a pleasant new year. I've only kissed two people for the new year...Alex and Johnny.

But we came to an epiphany at work yesterday with my friend James. If Johnny is a recruit, then he might have to go off to war if we have the war in Iraq...well if I don't have the war in Iraq, then it'll be Korea. The smell of war is in the air and it smells like popcorn and fireworks. But if Johnny goes off to war, then he might die! I don't want to wish death on people, that's not very nice. But if Sadaam kills him first...then maybe Sadaam isn't that bad after all.

As for my resolution in the New Year, I have several. The one I care least about is the "losing 10 pounds" one. The one I care most is learning to be happy with who I am and not what some asshole on TV says is popular (though as an American, I believe there is an implant in a woman's brain that MAKES her care...and cry during romantic comedies when she gets the right man)...but I don't know how that'll pan out.

Tonight I'm going to see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers because I haven't seen it and all my friends have but they said they'd see it with me again. Isn't that nice?? Jen also said she'd watch "Joe Millionaire" with me every monday because those women are so stupid, it's great to yell at the TV and throw shit too, even though they can't hear you. Stupid women make me laugh.

Well loyal patron's of Emily's World, Happy New Year and

So the secret's out!

My family and I were sitting in a plastic booth at Friendlys around the screaming of children when she leans over and asks me "who's the new boy?"
How did she know about Braden? So instead of denying everything...I told her everything in this unexcited voice. "yes he's from Seattle...he's a film major...he's 22..." I was waiting for this time for the family to dig into my college life yet I didn't think it would take place at Friendlys.
I don't mind that the family knows...there isn't much to know. I haven't talked to Braden since the 23rd...I don't know how to take that. I miss him...yeah I know all my stupid blogs will just annouce "I miss Braden..." and then the next day, "I miss Braden..."
I found my old journal on the floor today and I read my Indiana entry and almost started to cry. A year ago today...right now actually I was sitting in the Starbucks in Indianapolis reading "Another Roadside Attraction" by Tom Robbins, waiting for Alex and his stupid parents to drive up in the Cadillac and Alex would come in wearing his full dress uniform and rather than hugging him, I just looked at him and said "What the hell are you wearing?"
Anyway...when I was cleaning my room, I read the journal entry from Indiana and teared up. The title of the section was called, "Let it all be a joke, please???"
"Today is the first day for the rest of your life. As I return to my bubble...I remember my middle western holiday for many things...things you can't talk about with anyone but laught to yourself. What did it all mean to me? Not much...oh no...I see...A relationship is only as good as the people in it. I awoke to the angelic face of victory...and also awoke a sleeping giant. Please forgive me because my eyes no long see militant value...what was is not...what I saw burned in flames on the relization and epiphany of free-will, a beautiful and capable goddess that, when attracted to another human is banished from society in clouds of smoke."

What does it mean? Lord only know...back then I was full of emotion and didn't know that I was slowly turning into a puddle. But it symbolizes the intensity of confusion that I was starting to feel.

There's a quote scribbled near the binding that I had completely fogotten until now...
"The best Doctor I ever had helped me through alcohol poisoning...then I did him."
Why was I so thrilled about what I had done when clearly I saw Alex's face turn into Satan's in only a few short hours because of my actions. I could pepper my life full of "what if..and if onlys" but clearly the fact that it still, after a year...burns deep inside me...
The next section is called "A Justification of Actions" but there's nothing there...
I only hope that Alex did what he said he was going to do...
punch Johnny and take a picture for me...

Fuck you AOL!

Today Kevin and Sean bravely set up my computer with wireless connections so I'll be online basically all the time now! I can't wait. I had hamburger helper tonight and it made me think of the Suite F days but since it was at home, it really wasn't the same.

Last night I had a camp reunion and Kim Wiggin pinched my butt (which I was against) but it was still good to see her. I'm thinking of setting up Matt Stern, sexually confused sweetheart with Mr. Aylen himself. I thought Matt needs a teacher and what better teacher than J. Oliver Aylen, master of homosexuality (he would like to think he was at least). We'll see how the cards play out. I'm just thinking for Jesse's sake for our Suite F orgy.

I don't know how I feel about vacation so far. I've been up to my knees in pharmacy work but making money has really been my number 1 priority. I see money as a good thing...

Well, I don't really have much to comment on...I'm just happy about this wireless connection and I want to shout it from the rooftops...
"Honey, what rhymes with blueballs?"

Merry Everything!

Here I am listening to Prokofiev's War and Peace on CD (3 CD's and libretto! I feel so cultured) on my new very fancy room CD player. Christmas was a good experience for me...the relatives stayed only a few shorts hours because of the snow and so that left time for watching "A Christmas Story" and episodes of Trading Spaces! The best gift so far was the family gift...wireless networking for the house! So now I won't have the deal with a heartless corp. like AOL ever again! YAY!
Last night Casey and I talked orgies for Suite F. I think maybe in a few months, the Suite F crew will be ready for something good, like an orgy of sorts. Maybe it isn't a good idea...but I just thought it would certainly an adventure, that's for sure.
It's only been five days and I can't stand it any longer! I miss Bard! I miss Braden more! It's been a few days since I talked to him (2 days...feels like 2 weeks). I have a nasty case of longing and desire! Well, we'll see what is in store for Emily Steele Sauter in January...
As for the Holidays here in CT...it's snowing like the dickens...you hear me, LIKE THE DICKENS (sorry...achewood reference) and we're supposed to get 4 inches or something...Bard's getting a FOOT! HOORAY FOR THE WHITE STUFF!
Well I hope everyone had a merry Christmas...I'm going to sit in my semi warm house and probably fall asleep in front of the TV watching some fucking Christmas Special!
"Merry Christmas Bedford Falls!"

Another day in CT...

Last night I went to bed at 3 AM, trying to think about what had just happened. Colin Donegan, a fixture in high school had left the house 75 minutes prior and I was trying to figure out what had just gone on. Colin and I had one of those sexually frustrating relationships in high school and I figured that nothing was going to change. He came over and gave me a big hug and we went downstairs and watched Lilo and Stitch (good movie!) and then proceeded to just sit in the dark basement and talk for about two hours. He's really matured from the jerk who lead me on in high school. I felt really glad to just sit with him and talk to him about everything. When he left around 1:45 AM, I was pretty sad. Why hadn't I seen that Colin was a decent guy? He promised we would hang out again and I said that would be great. I really did have a great time with him.
I went online to see if anyone was on and Braden was. It was great to talk to him too. I was thinking about spending money to see him in Seattle as Monica suggested but Braden (aka awesome hot boyfriend...don't ask) is really busy. So I thought about it...and I'm thinking of going to the Keys for a few days to hang out with Jesse! If I can get my schedule worked out...I'm going to go! YAY!
I have work soon for the next five hours. Ready to help the dandy rich old Republican men of my town with their viagra. How come rich old men are gettin' it on and my boyfriend is all the way in Seattle!
Tonight we're playing "Never have I ever" and I'm pretty nervous about it. I don't know why...I just am.
Oh well...I'm going to watch high schoolers drink. That's pretty entertaining.

Home in Connecticut...

My grandmother came to dinner tonight and my mother sent me to go pick her up in Greenwich in her posh assisted living home that costs 600,000 dollars a year to live there. She's a Southern Belle by nature and if you bash the South, she'll tear you a new one. It doesn't matter that she's 85, she would still tear you a new one. Being home isn't so bad I guess. My drive home was eventful to say the least. There was a LARGE accident on the Taconic and they were closing it down obviously because someone had died. So I was sent into this large line of cars and unknowing of where I was going, travelled a nice detour through fishkill and into some other small towns. New York is a nice place.
I miss Bard so much. I miss Braden even though our relationship consists mainly of serious convesations of how crazy we are. Usually the normal Bard relationship means slipping between the sheets. Braden and I sit and look at each other and shake. Not normal, but reassuring that we'll grow together.
My grandma gave me 150 bucks for Christmas...so I'm going to buy Pink Floyd CDs...all of them...well the early ones that is. And learn all the words. I almost know all the words to the Wall and I know all the words to Dark Side...
I love Pink Floyd...because everything runs into everything else, like one giant song. And everything has hidden meanings. The Wall especially...sometimes I find myself crying when they sing "Nobody Home" and you hear the busy signal over and over again...it's just powerful.
Well off to spend. Work tomorrow...nervous as ever for it. But I'm sure i'll get into the Grieb's groove as soon as I get there.
Miss you bard kids!

No more classes! YAY!

Yesterday Braden surprised me by handing me a picture of himself saying, "Remember, you're awesome." It was in response to my Christmas present to him of a picture of me looking cross saying, "Remember you're 22." I put it in the back of my journal so I can stare at it during intersession like a fool. Yesterday all the Suite F folk saw "The Two Towers" all dressed in their garb (I loved the fact they went in costume to the movies...it was cute...very cute...almost absurdly cute) and apparently as Kelly said it was "All kinds of awesomeness." I haven't seen the first one yet so I didn't think I should go see the 2nd one and then see the first one, that wouldn't work. It's like right now I'm reading The Sportswriter by Richard Ford. I read Independece Day, the Pulitzer winning sequel first and now am finding myself wishing I had read Sportswriter first, but Independence Day was just an amazing book, I think I read it in about 4 days I believe. So now I am telling myself, do things in order...do not skip steps.
Tomorrow I go home, back to Connecticut where I shall remain for the next six weeks. I will still be typing away in my blog...weeping for some Bardians to talk to me and tell me that soon we can all go back to Bard and I won't have to work at the Pharmacy anymore.
For all of you who care...I'm mostly better from my bout of a nasty sinus infection (lousy shitty dorm). It helped that I drugged myself full of the NyQuil and slept for 12 hours straight. My government professor was upset at me because I wasn't doing research for my partial birth abortion paper, but no bother. I have till Xmas Eve to finish that beauty.
Well all of you kids...Emily is leaving the Bardland tomorrow at noon...
it's been a good semester...
Next time you'll hear from me, I'll be watching the History Channel with a tub of ice cream and my cat Spoo sitting by my side...