Twenty-Four Hours till My Country Turns into a pile of Shit
It's war time here in America, and what can I say but I am frightened. This weekend has been full of ups and downs. The weather has been beautiful but I have a paper due Friday. I'm going to see Catherine in Boston on Saturday but gas prices are fucking rediculous. Prof. Sanborn is going to be on my moderation board but my headphones broke. And we're going to war. So I would have to say that this week is going to be worse before it gets better.
I have also realized that I am riding on a time machine back to the days of yore, where I was quite a little make out slut. The men of my past are waiting in line and the reason can be only for one thing. Why is this happening? Men of my past, why are you asking for sex? Do you think I'm easy? Do you think that I am willing, lonely and frightened by the chance of (gasp) a new man? This is the question I can't answer. As for right now, I am happy concentrating on moderating before pleasure. If I don't moderate, I dont get to think about my future and if I don't think about my future, I'll end up...oh who knows where I'll end up.
Anyway, 24 hours till my country turns its back on the world. How do I feel to be America right now? Not that good...but I just pray it ends soon. Prayer...wow...haven't thought about God for a while. But as long as Bush believes God's on HIS side...maybe I don't want to believe anymore.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Saturday, March 15, 2003
My Big Fat Greek...
Watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding makes me realize that I can find someone too. I realized that although last weekend was fun...I really need to concentrate on finding a permanent fixture and not just relying on the past to deal me up some favors. Although the past has been coming alive the past few days.
Enter Peter Sainz...the seventeen year old stealer of my youth. I have always loved Peter, though not the most intelligent person...(he spelled warrant "w-a-r-e-n-t"...) there was always something about him that seemed to fit. Indeed, he drinks far too much and smokes too much for a seventeen year old...but his Darien charms were somehow always to be trusted. I believe he's the only guy to have truly loved me. He told me to call him over spring break...and I most likely will. If I'm going to self-analyze myself, I might as well say it's because I want to be loved and to be with someone who I know loves me. Blake, yes was a treat...but he has no feelings towards me...he's still in love with that other girl...so why waste my time looking for love when there's a boy at home who already loves me and has for two years?
I don't know what I'm getting at...I should always be looking...because it's important. I just think it would fit into my grand life scheme, the new Emily...the more mature nerdish girl.
I drank a whole two liter bottle of Diet Coke with Lemon and I feel, awful...my stomach just feels sour. Though I'm sure having that birthday cake (even though it was no one's birthday) and three glasses of whole milk were just great for it.
Tomorrow will be my day to write my paper and finish my play. My ending, is the shit. The more I think about it, the more I get giddy.
"He's dead, isn't he?"
"How did you?"
"Answer my question, he's dead...isn't he?"
"....yes, he's dead."
Watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding makes me realize that I can find someone too. I realized that although last weekend was fun...I really need to concentrate on finding a permanent fixture and not just relying on the past to deal me up some favors. Although the past has been coming alive the past few days.
Enter Peter Sainz...the seventeen year old stealer of my youth. I have always loved Peter, though not the most intelligent person...(he spelled warrant "w-a-r-e-n-t"...) there was always something about him that seemed to fit. Indeed, he drinks far too much and smokes too much for a seventeen year old...but his Darien charms were somehow always to be trusted. I believe he's the only guy to have truly loved me. He told me to call him over spring break...and I most likely will. If I'm going to self-analyze myself, I might as well say it's because I want to be loved and to be with someone who I know loves me. Blake, yes was a treat...but he has no feelings towards me...he's still in love with that other girl...so why waste my time looking for love when there's a boy at home who already loves me and has for two years?
I don't know what I'm getting at...I should always be looking...because it's important. I just think it would fit into my grand life scheme, the new Emily...the more mature nerdish girl.
I drank a whole two liter bottle of Diet Coke with Lemon and I feel, awful...my stomach just feels sour. Though I'm sure having that birthday cake (even though it was no one's birthday) and three glasses of whole milk were just great for it.
Tomorrow will be my day to write my paper and finish my play. My ending, is the shit. The more I think about it, the more I get giddy.
"He's dead, isn't he?"
"How did you?"
"Answer my question, he's dead...isn't he?"
"....yes, he's dead."
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Freedom Fries, Philosopher Kings, and Nerdom
It's been a few days since I have written in my blog, but alas nothing writable has happened in my life. My happiness has faded though, and my sleep cycle is back to regular thank God. I am back to the Emily you saw and know pre night of passion. The only thing good that has happened to me these past few days has been Sean visiting (we had a good time...doubling the beef and what not) and figuring out the end of my play! Note: Alex goes crazy...but that's all I'm going to tell you for now.
As for the other things, some things have been bothering me.
I realized that I must accept my nerdom. I read all the Akira books (mmm Akira)...and then while at the diner, I saw the 'teen girl squad' from homestarrunner.com walk by...Cheerleader, so and so, what's her face, the ugly one! Everyone at the table laughed so loud. So I accept my nerdom...I like mst3k...I loved all of Akira (though 15 year old boys should NOT be getting their school nurses pregnant or hitting on 20 something revolutionaries) and with my nerd glasses, me and my fellow nerds will rise up and rule the world...maybe
I was reading the "New Yorker" during my break in playwriting today and I game across a blurb for Leon's American Symphony Orchestra gala at Lincoln Center. "Leon Botstein, the director of the ACO and PHILOSOPHER KING" I almost dropped my magazine and let out a shreek causing the class to look at me in a strange way. Leon is NOT a philosopher king! Who in the New Yorker would write that awful remark??? Leon, as all of you know, hates me...and having a philosopher king hate me is just...weird. Plato is rolling over in his grave, tomb, ditch whatever right now!
Since we're on the idea of "shock and awe"...The capital lunchroom in DC has now changed its menu to include instead of french toast and french fries, "Freedom toast and Freedom fries." What the hell? This is just like during WW1 when we renamed everything German into "liberty"...do you think the French even fuckin care that we renamed French toast "freedom toast?" We're not even at war with them. An article in MSN's "Slate" says this:
"If chauvinistic warmongers want to start renaming stuff, it should be Iraqi stuff. There’s probably not much point in going after Iraqi food such as masgoof (barbecued fish) and pacha (sort of an Iraqi haggis) because Americans don’t eat them. A better idea would be to tear out every page in the Bible that features an Iraqi place name, such as Babylon, Babel, the Garden of Eden, Nineveh, and Ur. The Christian right will object, but we all have to make sacrifices during wartime."
We're going to war people...and in five days too. How do I feel about it? Ehhh...I am pissed but nothing can be done now.
What does the weekend hold for Emily? Oh yeah, sitting in the library reading "Classical Quarterlys" from 1971 thinking about how last weekend was so much better than this weekend.
It's been a few days since I have written in my blog, but alas nothing writable has happened in my life. My happiness has faded though, and my sleep cycle is back to regular thank God. I am back to the Emily you saw and know pre night of passion. The only thing good that has happened to me these past few days has been Sean visiting (we had a good time...doubling the beef and what not) and figuring out the end of my play! Note: Alex goes crazy...but that's all I'm going to tell you for now.
As for the other things, some things have been bothering me.
I realized that I must accept my nerdom. I read all the Akira books (mmm Akira)...and then while at the diner, I saw the 'teen girl squad' from homestarrunner.com walk by...Cheerleader, so and so, what's her face, the ugly one! Everyone at the table laughed so loud. So I accept my nerdom...I like mst3k...I loved all of Akira (though 15 year old boys should NOT be getting their school nurses pregnant or hitting on 20 something revolutionaries) and with my nerd glasses, me and my fellow nerds will rise up and rule the world...maybe
I was reading the "New Yorker" during my break in playwriting today and I game across a blurb for Leon's American Symphony Orchestra gala at Lincoln Center. "Leon Botstein, the director of the ACO and PHILOSOPHER KING" I almost dropped my magazine and let out a shreek causing the class to look at me in a strange way. Leon is NOT a philosopher king! Who in the New Yorker would write that awful remark??? Leon, as all of you know, hates me...and having a philosopher king hate me is just...weird. Plato is rolling over in his grave, tomb, ditch whatever right now!
Since we're on the idea of "shock and awe"...The capital lunchroom in DC has now changed its menu to include instead of french toast and french fries, "Freedom toast and Freedom fries." What the hell? This is just like during WW1 when we renamed everything German into "liberty"...do you think the French even fuckin care that we renamed French toast "freedom toast?" We're not even at war with them. An article in MSN's "Slate" says this:
"If chauvinistic warmongers want to start renaming stuff, it should be Iraqi stuff. There’s probably not much point in going after Iraqi food such as masgoof (barbecued fish) and pacha (sort of an Iraqi haggis) because Americans don’t eat them. A better idea would be to tear out every page in the Bible that features an Iraqi place name, such as Babylon, Babel, the Garden of Eden, Nineveh, and Ur. The Christian right will object, but we all have to make sacrifices during wartime."
We're going to war people...and in five days too. How do I feel about it? Ehhh...I am pissed but nothing can be done now.
What does the weekend hold for Emily? Oh yeah, sitting in the library reading "Classical Quarterlys" from 1971 thinking about how last weekend was so much better than this weekend.
Sunday, March 09, 2003
The Happiest Girl in New York
I am running on two hours of sleep but yet, I am utterly and rediculously awake. I even walked to my fencing meet, dancing. Why, might you ask...why would I be, (gasp) giddy? It's been so long since I couldn't stop smiling or the last time I spent the whole night in bed with someone. I must admit, I have to be the happiest girl in New York.
It was a question Blake asked me at 6AM, when the sun was just starting to peak through the shades. "Are you happy?" Happy...I haven't been happy in a long time. But yet, somehow this made everything disappear. So what if Braden had Abby! So what if Jesse ruined our plans for spring break! So what if Vic the Prick hooked up with Porter! I was happy. Months of sexual tension, months of loneliness...all slipped by in a matter of seconds. It was back to myself, back to the non bitter and happy go luck Emily Sauter.
I am the happiest girl at Bard, happiest girl in Upstate New York, happiest girl in New York. And I have one guy to thank for all of this.
I'll spare the details of my night of passion...because I want to be tasteful (though I will say this, it was...incredible). And yes, I realize that Blake went back to Boston...which makes me a tad sad, but I can't make him stay at Bard (though i wish i could)...but I accept it. That's life, right? But I am happy...nothing could destroy my good mood. So what if I'm not with Blake...I do care about him very much so, but he's in Boston...and Boston and Bard are not as close as you could think. That's life...
Anyway, I also won two out of the three bouts for the Marist/Bard meet.
Man, why can't everyday be as stimulating and wonderful as today!
I am running on two hours of sleep but yet, I am utterly and rediculously awake. I even walked to my fencing meet, dancing. Why, might you ask...why would I be, (gasp) giddy? It's been so long since I couldn't stop smiling or the last time I spent the whole night in bed with someone. I must admit, I have to be the happiest girl in New York.
It was a question Blake asked me at 6AM, when the sun was just starting to peak through the shades. "Are you happy?" Happy...I haven't been happy in a long time. But yet, somehow this made everything disappear. So what if Braden had Abby! So what if Jesse ruined our plans for spring break! So what if Vic the Prick hooked up with Porter! I was happy. Months of sexual tension, months of loneliness...all slipped by in a matter of seconds. It was back to myself, back to the non bitter and happy go luck Emily Sauter.
I am the happiest girl at Bard, happiest girl in Upstate New York, happiest girl in New York. And I have one guy to thank for all of this.
I'll spare the details of my night of passion...because I want to be tasteful (though I will say this, it was...incredible). And yes, I realize that Blake went back to Boston...which makes me a tad sad, but I can't make him stay at Bard (though i wish i could)...but I accept it. That's life, right? But I am happy...nothing could destroy my good mood. So what if I'm not with Blake...I do care about him very much so, but he's in Boston...and Boston and Bard are not as close as you could think. That's life...
Anyway, I also won two out of the three bouts for the Marist/Bard meet.
Man, why can't everyday be as stimulating and wonderful as today!
Friday, March 07, 2003
Rerun: An Emily Clip Show
I thought that in honor of something, I would give you guys a clip show of my favorite and not so favorite memories of last year. I got the idea after I had a dream about Braden. Just waking up after that dream made me remember "two nerds in love"...I thought I had gotten over Braden but when you have sex with someone in a church pew...maybe you really aren't. Anyway, enjoy the clip show.
4/10/02
well today, thanks to Dave 3 (he's the best), i am now sharing my thoughts with the world. How scary is that? I don't think anyone wants to get inside my head (including me) because it's just too scary in there i tell you what. The only thing i am going to say is that my grammar and spelling are at a 5th grade level so, don't yell at me when a stupid comma is out of place or I misspell words like "Sain" okay?
4/18/02
It can only be described in one phrase, "Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets..."
So Ross' sister and friend, Blake, come to visit for a day or two. And hey, Blake is kind of attractive...
In the words i speak of when i speak of Johnny Garrison: "things happen."
Things happen under trees in the middle of a field in the middle of a thunderstorm with lightning and thunder and a blood red moon. Things happens...
4/24/02
So tonight was...awesome! All my friends and I gathered in the dormroom and took pictures...scary pictures, of us. If you go to my profile and go to my photo album, you can see them. They are nuts! There are a lot of me lookin' my hottest.
4/28/02
Todd had sex three times this morning...
5/5/02
I got into a car crash and, since i wasn't wearing a seat belt...i was bounced around like a Mexican Jumping Bean and landed on the floor of my friend's van with a concussion and a nose full of blood. I got to ride in an ambulance to the hospital (where the EMT did NOT hit on me) and they just pumped me full of painkillers and sent me on the merry way. The "Colonel..." (that's Ross' car) well...she's wounded seriously and might "be sent out to sea soon" says Ross...which is sad, because she was trooper and she saved my life.
5/16/02
Emily Wars! Episode 1: Attack of the West Point Cadets!
6/6/03
A bunch of kids in Cooper City, Florida think that I am their friend Chris and IM me all the time...I don't respond...i mean, i could...get into their little world and screw around with their lives, but I've got morals...so I just dont say anything, let them IM me over and over...and laugh everytime i get one...maybe one day I'll say something to throw them off but for now...I stay silent. Ha! I just got another one...
8/24/02
I'd just like to thank Kevin and Doreen O'Leary...for having such a nice big comfy bed, with lots of pillows...
I was a big fan...
THANKS AGAIN!
love,
Emily S. Sauter
8/29/02
Emily,
We arrived here this afternoon. Topsy-turvy weather. Everything is fine so far. Hope everything is OK with you. We have plenty of hikes to do over the week. You might like the wildernees, it sure is different than Harvard Love, Pete
10/03/02
"You've achieved infamy as a sophomore" were the words that were uttered from Dave Shein's mouth, the dean of students...
10/15/02
So Alex Raggio...in my rage I say that I will NEVER talk to you again, because you dont deserve it...and I feel that now my revenge on Johnny stems to you too...oh, you can laugh at that...and tell me I'm stupid because I can live in this rose colored world, but Alex, you are the true problem to my existence...I can't stand the way you have threatened me, taken advantage of me...how cruel and low can you be? So, if you ever read this...fuck you, and I hope you live a poor and miserable life in your crappy Indiana world...
10/27/02
I forgot to mention that Dave 1's house was a nostalgia factory...Winnie the Pooh tapes, old Jetson movie glasses, Boy scout popcorn tins!
11/17/02
Then someone suggests a game of "Never have I ever"
Although I don't remember the complete night...I remember a lot more than I probably should. Like how Jesse wears Black boxer Briefs and the ages everyone started masturbating...I hardly know the people Jesse lives with and yet, I know when they started wacking off. We live in a great age
11/24/03
I drew a picture of Braden in my journal today...looking innocent as always with the caption: "This could get messy"
12/10/02
So here I am in the suite!
Ross is telling me that I need to jump Braden...
just wait until Friday...
God I hope he doesn't read this
Anyway, enough clips...you all know what happened after THAT party anyway...Hope you enjoyed the rerun. And I promise new episodes in the future.
I thought that in honor of something, I would give you guys a clip show of my favorite and not so favorite memories of last year. I got the idea after I had a dream about Braden. Just waking up after that dream made me remember "two nerds in love"...I thought I had gotten over Braden but when you have sex with someone in a church pew...maybe you really aren't. Anyway, enjoy the clip show.
4/10/02
well today, thanks to Dave 3 (he's the best), i am now sharing my thoughts with the world. How scary is that? I don't think anyone wants to get inside my head (including me) because it's just too scary in there i tell you what. The only thing i am going to say is that my grammar and spelling are at a 5th grade level so, don't yell at me when a stupid comma is out of place or I misspell words like "Sain" okay?
4/18/02
It can only be described in one phrase, "Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets..."
So Ross' sister and friend, Blake, come to visit for a day or two. And hey, Blake is kind of attractive...
In the words i speak of when i speak of Johnny Garrison: "things happen."
Things happen under trees in the middle of a field in the middle of a thunderstorm with lightning and thunder and a blood red moon. Things happens...
4/24/02
So tonight was...awesome! All my friends and I gathered in the dormroom and took pictures...scary pictures, of us. If you go to my profile and go to my photo album, you can see them. They are nuts! There are a lot of me lookin' my hottest.
4/28/02
Todd had sex three times this morning...
5/5/02
I got into a car crash and, since i wasn't wearing a seat belt...i was bounced around like a Mexican Jumping Bean and landed on the floor of my friend's van with a concussion and a nose full of blood. I got to ride in an ambulance to the hospital (where the EMT did NOT hit on me) and they just pumped me full of painkillers and sent me on the merry way. The "Colonel..." (that's Ross' car) well...she's wounded seriously and might "be sent out to sea soon" says Ross...which is sad, because she was trooper and she saved my life.
5/16/02
Emily Wars! Episode 1: Attack of the West Point Cadets!
6/6/03
A bunch of kids in Cooper City, Florida think that I am their friend Chris and IM me all the time...I don't respond...i mean, i could...get into their little world and screw around with their lives, but I've got morals...so I just dont say anything, let them IM me over and over...and laugh everytime i get one...maybe one day I'll say something to throw them off but for now...I stay silent. Ha! I just got another one...
8/24/02
I'd just like to thank Kevin and Doreen O'Leary...for having such a nice big comfy bed, with lots of pillows...
I was a big fan...
THANKS AGAIN!
love,
Emily S. Sauter
8/29/02
Emily,
We arrived here this afternoon. Topsy-turvy weather. Everything is fine so far. Hope everything is OK with you. We have plenty of hikes to do over the week. You might like the wildernees, it sure is different than Harvard Love, Pete
10/03/02
"You've achieved infamy as a sophomore" were the words that were uttered from Dave Shein's mouth, the dean of students...
10/15/02
So Alex Raggio...in my rage I say that I will NEVER talk to you again, because you dont deserve it...and I feel that now my revenge on Johnny stems to you too...oh, you can laugh at that...and tell me I'm stupid because I can live in this rose colored world, but Alex, you are the true problem to my existence...I can't stand the way you have threatened me, taken advantage of me...how cruel and low can you be? So, if you ever read this...fuck you, and I hope you live a poor and miserable life in your crappy Indiana world...
10/27/02
I forgot to mention that Dave 1's house was a nostalgia factory...Winnie the Pooh tapes, old Jetson movie glasses, Boy scout popcorn tins!
11/17/02
Then someone suggests a game of "Never have I ever"
Although I don't remember the complete night...I remember a lot more than I probably should. Like how Jesse wears Black boxer Briefs and the ages everyone started masturbating...I hardly know the people Jesse lives with and yet, I know when they started wacking off. We live in a great age
11/24/03
I drew a picture of Braden in my journal today...looking innocent as always with the caption: "This could get messy"
12/10/02
So here I am in the suite!
Ross is telling me that I need to jump Braden...
just wait until Friday...
God I hope he doesn't read this
Anyway, enough clips...you all know what happened after THAT party anyway...Hope you enjoyed the rerun. And I promise new episodes in the future.
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
They Say it's your birthday...
Happy birthday to me. I watched myself turn 20. We were learning about the burning of persepolis by a drunk Alexander the Great when 1145 AM hit. I remember when I turned 10. I was watching myself turn 10 in the Hindley Elementary lunchroom. The janitor asked me why I kept staring at the clock. I told him I was watching myself turn 10. It's strange, watching yourself turn a certain age. Now I am not a teenager. But it doesn't matter. 365 more days till 21 baby.
Last night I was an American. I showed my patriotic duty as a citizen with the only way I knew how, by voting on a reality TV show. Kevin, Catherine, and I spent my birthday celebration watching Fox's new laugh, "Married by America." I could not see any of these singles married and living in the suburbs with kids. They all owned restaurants, drank heavily, talked in cliches to impress some girl's parents. Kevin, Catherine, and I dismissed the show as pure crap though the other show we were watching "Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes" was not so quality either. Reality TV...there's something very American about it. Like Andy Warhol said, "everyone gets 15 minutes of fame." Every channel's got something. On Fox, you can embarrass yourself either as a slut on Married by America, or have Simon the wanker make fun of you. On ABC, you could get put on one of their lame dating shows that makes women fight over some loser (the first bachelor graduated from my town in 1987 and was 1st in the class...now drives a porsche with the license plate StanMBA...just to tell everyone he went to Stanford...sounds pretty Fairfield county to me) what about NBC...how about eating Horse rectum or throwing yourself off a bridge? And CBS, just for classic survivor. It's sad, we call Survivor "classic." I was addicted though, like every other American. Man, I just wanted Rich to put on some damn pants.
TV is not all bad now. Two shows I would highly recommend are on on the same time on Sunday nights. E!'s "Michael Esseny Show" is hilarious. Nothing beats giving a Middle American high school student from Indiana his own talk show. His Bill Clinton impression was pretty amazing. And he gets stars on his show too!! Like Kelly Rowland from Destiny's Child, Tom Green! And his mom is the set manager, his nerdy best friend the funny sidekick, the set is the living room. It's genius!
The other show that's hilarious is MTV's "Clone High." What a good show. The story is in the 80's the government cloned all the most famous people in the world and now they are of high school age and going through the trauma of high school. You got Abe Lincoln, his best friend Ghandi, Joan of Arc (who looooves Abe) Cleopatra, who's a major slut, JFK who is also a slut...and many many more. The show is just so funny. Ghandi being a rapper called "G-spot"...I mean, come on..that's genius!
I miss TV...there is nothing better than the tube. Damn you bard for having no tv.
Anyway, tonight's hamburger helper...cake...the usual weekly food for me and Jesse. Time to eat!!
Happy Birthday ME!
Happy birthday to me. I watched myself turn 20. We were learning about the burning of persepolis by a drunk Alexander the Great when 1145 AM hit. I remember when I turned 10. I was watching myself turn 10 in the Hindley Elementary lunchroom. The janitor asked me why I kept staring at the clock. I told him I was watching myself turn 10. It's strange, watching yourself turn a certain age. Now I am not a teenager. But it doesn't matter. 365 more days till 21 baby.
Last night I was an American. I showed my patriotic duty as a citizen with the only way I knew how, by voting on a reality TV show. Kevin, Catherine, and I spent my birthday celebration watching Fox's new laugh, "Married by America." I could not see any of these singles married and living in the suburbs with kids. They all owned restaurants, drank heavily, talked in cliches to impress some girl's parents. Kevin, Catherine, and I dismissed the show as pure crap though the other show we were watching "Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes" was not so quality either. Reality TV...there's something very American about it. Like Andy Warhol said, "everyone gets 15 minutes of fame." Every channel's got something. On Fox, you can embarrass yourself either as a slut on Married by America, or have Simon the wanker make fun of you. On ABC, you could get put on one of their lame dating shows that makes women fight over some loser (the first bachelor graduated from my town in 1987 and was 1st in the class...now drives a porsche with the license plate StanMBA...just to tell everyone he went to Stanford...sounds pretty Fairfield county to me) what about NBC...how about eating Horse rectum or throwing yourself off a bridge? And CBS, just for classic survivor. It's sad, we call Survivor "classic." I was addicted though, like every other American. Man, I just wanted Rich to put on some damn pants.
TV is not all bad now. Two shows I would highly recommend are on on the same time on Sunday nights. E!'s "Michael Esseny Show" is hilarious. Nothing beats giving a Middle American high school student from Indiana his own talk show. His Bill Clinton impression was pretty amazing. And he gets stars on his show too!! Like Kelly Rowland from Destiny's Child, Tom Green! And his mom is the set manager, his nerdy best friend the funny sidekick, the set is the living room. It's genius!
The other show that's hilarious is MTV's "Clone High." What a good show. The story is in the 80's the government cloned all the most famous people in the world and now they are of high school age and going through the trauma of high school. You got Abe Lincoln, his best friend Ghandi, Joan of Arc (who looooves Abe) Cleopatra, who's a major slut, JFK who is also a slut...and many many more. The show is just so funny. Ghandi being a rapper called "G-spot"...I mean, come on..that's genius!
I miss TV...there is nothing better than the tube. Damn you bard for having no tv.
Anyway, tonight's hamburger helper...cake...the usual weekly food for me and Jesse. Time to eat!!
Happy Birthday ME!
Sunday, March 02, 2003
Vic the Prick
What happened tonight, for the record, was not cool. Emily's life is full of trivial facts, full of bad emotions, sour details. I do not deserve what I get in life. This is a well known fact...Braden found a lady friend. I accepted it. Jesse went to Ithaca instead of going to Alabama, I accepted. But acception of these following events will be unruly to handle, and I didn't deserve this.
I met Vic on Hot or Not...he seemed nice, Alex said "harmless" and I believed him. I fucking believed him.
keep in mind that it now 3:23 AM and I am not quite sober. So I drove to poughkeepsie and picked him up. He was a West Point guy, but I thought third time's the charm right? Wrong, dead wrong.
I am depressed by my lack to find the right man. He must be out there, swimming among the millions of losers in the world, just waiting. He must be out there, climbing up to look up high, looking for me. I saw potential in the beer drinking liberal...I saw potential, I put faith in it. Faith is a word I hadn't used in a while. I had faith in me and Braden, and looked where that ended up. He has Abby now, insecure now...still unchanged, but happier I'm sure. But I had faith in Vic too...I had faith in something that could be good at least. Until he hooked up with Porter, my roommate.
I don't blame Porter. The blame rests on him and only on him. You don't come to visit someone and end up hooking up with their roommate who is also their close friend. What kind of sick fuck do you have to be to be such an asshole?
Where's faith in my life now? It's floating down the Hudson River, past West Point and out to the ocean...never to be seen again.
I'm sorry to be so flowery but I can't help it. It's my birthday you know...this was my party...and I guess I can cry if I want to. And I have. I wept and Porter wept too on the phone while she told me she loved me and I said I loved her too. I'm not letting my roommate and I fight because of some loser West Point cadet who's an asshole and a prick. Vic the Prick. Porter would chime it out because it sounded good. And I said he wasn't. But he was.
Life couldn't get any worse for me right now. It's been so long since a guy hasn't lied to me, has cared about me. And who am I to believe now?
If you're reading this Vic...I'm sorry I wasted so much time on you, you pathetic west point bastard, just like the rest of them.
Miss Emily's gone...
What happened tonight, for the record, was not cool. Emily's life is full of trivial facts, full of bad emotions, sour details. I do not deserve what I get in life. This is a well known fact...Braden found a lady friend. I accepted it. Jesse went to Ithaca instead of going to Alabama, I accepted. But acception of these following events will be unruly to handle, and I didn't deserve this.
I met Vic on Hot or Not...he seemed nice, Alex said "harmless" and I believed him. I fucking believed him.
keep in mind that it now 3:23 AM and I am not quite sober. So I drove to poughkeepsie and picked him up. He was a West Point guy, but I thought third time's the charm right? Wrong, dead wrong.
I am depressed by my lack to find the right man. He must be out there, swimming among the millions of losers in the world, just waiting. He must be out there, climbing up to look up high, looking for me. I saw potential in the beer drinking liberal...I saw potential, I put faith in it. Faith is a word I hadn't used in a while. I had faith in me and Braden, and looked where that ended up. He has Abby now, insecure now...still unchanged, but happier I'm sure. But I had faith in Vic too...I had faith in something that could be good at least. Until he hooked up with Porter, my roommate.
I don't blame Porter. The blame rests on him and only on him. You don't come to visit someone and end up hooking up with their roommate who is also their close friend. What kind of sick fuck do you have to be to be such an asshole?
Where's faith in my life now? It's floating down the Hudson River, past West Point and out to the ocean...never to be seen again.
I'm sorry to be so flowery but I can't help it. It's my birthday you know...this was my party...and I guess I can cry if I want to. And I have. I wept and Porter wept too on the phone while she told me she loved me and I said I loved her too. I'm not letting my roommate and I fight because of some loser West Point cadet who's an asshole and a prick. Vic the Prick. Porter would chime it out because it sounded good. And I said he wasn't. But he was.
Life couldn't get any worse for me right now. It's been so long since a guy hasn't lied to me, has cared about me. And who am I to believe now?
If you're reading this Vic...I'm sorry I wasted so much time on you, you pathetic west point bastard, just like the rest of them.
Miss Emily's gone...
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