a following up to my accusations that men are scum...
They say nice guys finish last, but in all my years...I have never met this fabled "nice guy" because he doesn't exist...
Think about it.
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
There has been nothing but work for a while now...everyone keeps asking me what I want to do when I grow up...why, the mystery...
I have started to tell them "defense" because it sounds good...defense, military intelligence...without joining that sordid game of the uniforms and boot camp...
Yes, I get looks from the response but then i justify it, "Maybe take it down from the inside" and i tap my nose gently on its side and they laugh..."Everybody has a good laugh"
Maybe I will be a mistress of world power...Alex says no but when did I ever care what Alex says about me? Or maybe, the better question is, "When will I stop caring about what Alex says to me?" and start caring about what I think...It's time I start taking orders from myself and not some cornfed Muncie soldier
John and I found the hills of Bedford quite beautiful, even in the fog. He's a good boy...
I'm thinking about direction in my life. I don't really have any. I just float...
I hate this feeling of being lost. Maybe i should stop complaining and tell you what I did today you pathetic freaks that actually want to know what's goin on inside my head. I watched a parade...saw tony danza sing about 9/11 on TV (scary) and lay on the beach with a few guys talking about things...i dont know what the things were about...
I haven't written anything since I've been back...just stared at the TV with a fudgesicle watching documentaries...all day long. I think I want to be Jackie O. without Frank Sinatra and my husband being shot. I want to be married into a cursed family with promise...a name I can tack on to Emily and feel superior...just wait till I go down in US history...America, especially right now...could use a fine moral woman to step and create wonderful power in its midst.
Dreams Emily...just dreams...when you're thirty, you'll be the mistress of world power in some town in Indiana...married to a man who drives a pick up truck.
"we're going to need a bigger boat"
I have started to tell them "defense" because it sounds good...defense, military intelligence...without joining that sordid game of the uniforms and boot camp...
Yes, I get looks from the response but then i justify it, "Maybe take it down from the inside" and i tap my nose gently on its side and they laugh..."Everybody has a good laugh"
Maybe I will be a mistress of world power...Alex says no but when did I ever care what Alex says about me? Or maybe, the better question is, "When will I stop caring about what Alex says to me?" and start caring about what I think...It's time I start taking orders from myself and not some cornfed Muncie soldier
John and I found the hills of Bedford quite beautiful, even in the fog. He's a good boy...
I'm thinking about direction in my life. I don't really have any. I just float...
I hate this feeling of being lost. Maybe i should stop complaining and tell you what I did today you pathetic freaks that actually want to know what's goin on inside my head. I watched a parade...saw tony danza sing about 9/11 on TV (scary) and lay on the beach with a few guys talking about things...i dont know what the things were about...
I haven't written anything since I've been back...just stared at the TV with a fudgesicle watching documentaries...all day long. I think I want to be Jackie O. without Frank Sinatra and my husband being shot. I want to be married into a cursed family with promise...a name I can tack on to Emily and feel superior...just wait till I go down in US history...America, especially right now...could use a fine moral woman to step and create wonderful power in its midst.
Dreams Emily...just dreams...when you're thirty, you'll be the mistress of world power in some town in Indiana...married to a man who drives a pick up truck.
"we're going to need a bigger boat"
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