well i got the crying out of me...which is good...but it was sad on what I cried about. See Porter and I have been two single girls and I took honor that a girl as beautiful as her was in the same lonely boat as me...but I learned that wasn't the case at 3 AM this morning...so it's just me now, I'm the lonely one.
Jason says my psychological problems are what society deems normal...but I'm sure that isn't that case. I feel like today I was getting worse and worse until my mental capacity was going to fly out the window holding my sanity by its hand. But I think its still here...I'm thinking of running home to Darien, but I'm sure mother would be confused and then i'd have to tell her the story of Indiana and one day yes, I'll tell her but for now that's just something that she can't really know. But i'll stay here in Bardland where it seems my antisocial behavior is at its top pinnacle. I don't blame college, I'd blame any college probably...
And I did see Punch Drunk Love...and it was good. But Adam Sandler's socially maladjusted character was almost like me...if I was a guy I'd probably punch glass and everything but I'm just a girl. And it saddened me that I could relate to a person as screwed up as he was? Except he had strength in the love of a beautiful woman...so he could do no wrong, and I have the love of nothing...so I lack the heroic values and sentiment.
Why it's 4 AM and I'm writing this I don't know...but I just wanted to warn you maybe that you should tread lightly around me for a while...
Damnit I thought it was Alex...I thought that Alex was gone I would be free and now I know that he was only a facet in my fucking complicated life...damnit! Why do i have to be so fucking not normal!
Okay I should stop crying and go to bed now...umm...yeah...goodnight