Ethan told me to be more "cinematic..."

So I guess everyone out there in the world wants to know what happened last night with Braden. Well, I'll tell you...but the story is pretty meladramatic, so brace youselves for it okay?

So I got pretty drunk and so did Braden...because everyone was banking on the alcohol to get us "together"
We were sitting on his bed and I started ranting about how i had put him in my cartoon and how he can't "explain his feelings" and whatnot. And he just looked at me and told me, "About that...I don't want to sound like a jerk and I like you and all...BUT" yeah, that awful BUT was in there...so I told him I understood (which I didn't) and I just looked into his childlike eyes and told him it was okay, but I also warned that maybe he should think about growing up. The minute I closed the door, my eyes filled up with tears. I went into the other suite to grab my coat. Everyone was waiting for me, "So how did it go?"
"Oh about that...well I got rejected so I think this party has ended for me." I grabbed my coat, still roaring drunk...and ran out the door into the pouring rain with no umbrella. I muttered all the way back to Tremblay like an old man, the blisters on my feet were starting to form and I could feel the blood seep into my shoes...they still hurt so much as I write this. I got back to Tremblay and Porter held me while I cried soaked with rainwater. I hated this...why did he have to string me along? Why did everything have to happen this way? I deserved more dignity than this, subjected to waiting all this ime for a 22 year old to grow up. I called Jesse in tears and in anger and he had told me Kelly had just sternly talked to everyone about how they shouldn't make fun of Braden.
I decided that maybe I should go back in the rain to explain myself to people. So out I went into the rain again, my shoes still filling with blood, tears streaming down my face...my mind an utter blur of what had happened today.
Previously this day I received an email from my ex boyfriend and old best friend John O'Leary. It had been since August since we ummm..."enjoyed his parent's bed to the fullest" and tben he hadn't talked to me afterward, making me feel used and upset (when I ever not feeling used??) But the email kindly stated that he didn't mean what he did, that he was a jerk...and that our relationship...maybe need another go at it because he still cares about me. Oh no...this can't be happening to me...John picked the wrong night to talk me into a relationship again...but something about him was enticing and I dont know why...
But as I thought about everything that had happened, I ended up at the doors of Suite F with my mind buzzing. I told everyone about our situation, that people shouldn't be mad and all...everyone gave me a hug...that's when I decided that maybe Braden should know the truth. So while he was in the bathroom, I sat on his bed in the dark...waiting for him to come out and when he did...it wasn't like he was surprised to see me.
I wish I could remember the whole conversation but I cant. But all i remember is him shaking in the doorway while I told him it was wrong to string me along...and that if he didn't want a relationship, he should have told me eariler so I didn't have to waste my time with someone who doesn't know anything about a relationship and doesn't want to learn. There he was, just standing in the doorway...shaking like a leaf in the doorway. And I just looked at him with all my anger and walked over to him and hugged him. We stayed in each other's arms...not able to speak, not able to say anything...we were just crying because it was so messed up and complicated. He couldn't get any words out, everything was choked up in his throat...finally he said, "I want to give it a shot."
"you're only saying that because I just yelled at you for being a jerk...you're just saying that. Look at you! You look awful...I can see you're not ready for this..."
And he just stayed in my arms trembling like a dog telling me he wanted to "give it a shot..." and I kept telling me that you're only saying that because you're afraid...you dont know what you want.
So I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him on the cheek..."You need to think about what's best for you...not me...I've been down this road before...but you haven't, so it's important you know what you're getting into." We just looked at each other again and he told me to come back tomorrow (well i guess that's today)...and we would figure out what was best for both of us.
I went back into the party just as Braden's little sister got back from NYC and I told her what had happened. She took my hand and told me "Never has anyone persued my brother so well than you have...he's exactly what you need..." Even Jami was rooting for me...
The night ended when I became sober enough to drive and gave my friend Kate a ride back to the new toasters. We sat in the car and she told me what I should do...she's really awesome, and I'm glad she's turned into one of my good friends...

I went to sleep last night with the idea that I could have the mirror that the beast had in "Beauty and the Beast..." So i could see everyone. I told me to show it Braden and it showed a small child crying on his bed...looking like he had punished