Today (essentially) I leave for Boston and then for Maine...for nine weeks...
My address there till the 20th of august
Emily Sauter
New England Music Camp
8 Goldenrod Lane
Sidney, ME 04330

Feel free to write...

Tonight I had a small get together of all my friends and we watched "full metal jacket" What a sweet movie that is.
I had a dream two nights ago where the war on terror had pissed off everything and everyone in the world and now they were against America...i was hiding in my basement, watching the war...they had overtaken everything...everyday was like september 11th...they were searching for me because they knew i was helping America with intelligence (I dont know why i had intelligence) they found me...shot at my knees, and eventually killed me. I awoke and was thankful...I dont want to be the victim of war...that would be bad...
I'm going to read "The Black Veil"
Thank the good Lord its not about the military

Today my Dad's friend from my early childhood came into the pharmacy and I waited on him and he was a real jerk to me...
This got me thinking...how could my father be friends with jerks? I mean, i can't really ask him and all...considering he's floating in the ocean somewhere...but why would my dad be friends with jerks? It's true...I don't know much about my father...he seems like a tale to me...but I never thought he could be friends with jerks. But apparently he was...and it made me really sad.

My mom took me to the yacht club...whitebred and rich people surrounded me...I had never noticed how white it is there...that also made me sad...
Right now I am sad...can you tell?

Soon, NEMC...and then everything can be good...maybe....

thought of the day...ehhh...there isn't a thought

Not much to say...

I leave for Maine in four days...still in this euphoric state of denial that I'm not going to be at NEMC...
I had lunch with Jason and we had the usual gossip of the town...he told me his life of sailing, money, booze and drugs...I explained my minature painting obsession...it was nice...

There's nothing really else to explain...
The mood I'm feeling right now is "puzzled"
-----I dont really know what that means...

final thought: I like the sound the screens in the windows make when bugs fly into them...it's a sound of summer

So as I gazed the shops of the Palisades mall to watching the documentary "13" about being a 13 year old girl and how they think (it's so sad how pathetically shallow these girls are) I realize that I am not really a chick. Think about it...I'm this asexual non fem THING...Come on, we all know even Jesse has more womanly features than I...he even has that fem swagger in his walk...I have that stalky Todd swagger...unpleasant!
I just wear that stupid stewardess skirt and a tank top...but no flowers, no frills...just this thing...in solid colors...so I'm going to try to be more "fem" and less this butchy thing I have dug for myself. I dont know how to do that though...be a lady...dude, I belch and stuff...I am no lady.

Maybe one day I'll be a woman...but for now...I guess I'll be this thing

Just watched Hitchcock's "Vertigo" and am at a loss for words...seriously...I don't know what to think...I just feel like crying

watched a great documentary tonight about German POWs in the South during WWII. that made it a good night...
I'm going to get something to drink...

I'm sore...

A bunch of kids in Cooper City, Florida think that I am their friend Chris and IM me all the time...I don't respond...i mean, i could...get into their little world and screw around with their lives, but I've got morals...so I just dont say anything, let them IM me over and over...and laugh everytime i get one...maybe one day I'll say something to throw them off but for now...I stay silent. Ha! I just got another one...

Hamburger Helper for dinner tonight...How I miss Bard!

I started a new form of art I took after South Park, adding real life images into my paintings. I call it "East meets West" but I'll probably have a better name for it soon..the first one I painted isn't very good but I'm learning...it's time consuming and forces me to cut up magazines...the only magazines in the house or Real Simple, Teen People and Time...so I am at a loss...sadly.

I am very drained...I just woke up from a nap and I am cranky still...
Note of the day: While working at Griebs yesterday...I found kids washcloths and one of them was the one i so loved with i was little...So i bought it. It has a lion on it holding a cup and toothbrush and it says, "Good Morning!" on it...It was a "nice nostalgic smack in the face" to quote Melinda Quincy

"No, Melinda Quincy took the hard road in life and ended up in Woodstock with a reputation for being easy, stupid, transparent and full of bullshit."

To ponder a small thought

Every writer I have read and adored has had a very strange past...full of drugs, sex, and rehab...and the question I have to ask myself is: These abuses...do they make you the writer that you need to be? I am a very moral person (sometimes) when it comes to drugs and alcohol...but I am just afraid that I am too moral to be a writer...
Writers have trauma, writers have something so wrong with them...and yes, i may be a tad eccentric, a tad obsessive...and as for the business of Johnny Garrison...well, that was a fluke of my nature. But I'm a suburban yuppie raised in a single parent home...maybe that's all I'll ever be.

As for becoming a writer...maybe a cocaine addiction will do me good...but as for Emily Sauter doing lines...it seems highly unlikely